The illogical game

Holy crap!  I just visited AF.net for the first time in weeks and noticed it has a crappy new format, one that takes my browser longer to load.  What's wrong with the old format?!

I've been distracted lately because I'm buying a home.  Fortunately, the distraction is coming to an end.  I'm really looking forward to devoting to this courtship topic once more and getting life back to normal. 

You know, I've come to realize that home-buying and courtship are very similar activities.  You'd imagine buying a house should be simple -- a seller would sell to the highest bidder.  Right?  Wrong.  There is so much crap involved.  It's like assuming that a girl would choose the guy who's the best-looking and nicest.  Nope, it's not that simple either. 

Both activities aren't simple because there's a "game" involved.  Courtship is complex because what a female claims to want isn't what her instincts want.  Furthermore, females are indirect, ego-driven and mostly live in her little fantasy world.  Real estate is also complex because there are tons of intermediaries involved (agents, banks, loan brokers, inspectors, etc) all jossling for their cut from the transaction. 

Because of the game, in the end, the girl doesn't end up with the "best" guy just like, in the end, the home seller doesn't sell to the highest bidder.  On the surface, there's nothing logical about it.  Dig a little deeper, and with a bit of sophistication, you'd see why the game exists.

So in both types of activities, the best we can hope for is to understand the game, play it well, and let the chips fall where they may.  It's silly to complain about the illogical game, one that we cannot control, change or destroy.  Girls will forever whine about "the game" because few of them can use logic to rise above their emotions.

Neil Strauss signed my book!

On his blog, Neil Strauss said if you mail him the latest copy of his book ("Rules of the Game"), he will sign and send back.  You must include a self addressed stamped envelope, of course.

I got mine signed and returned in about 8 days.

I pixalated my name to protect my identity from you stalkers.

Flipping through personal issues

I promise to get back to the Stylelife Challenge tomorrow, especially since the weekend will afford me time to complete the field challenge. 

But for now, I want to talk about one of my distant cousins since it fits well with the previous entry.  I've never talked about this to anyone in the "real world" since I'd kill myself if it leaked. 

I have a very distant cousin in Hong Kong named Vivian.  She's so distant, we're barely related.  But she's tight with my sister and unexpectedly showed up at a family retreat in Vancouver last summer. 

I've known Vivian all my life and would see her perhaps every 3-4 years.  She always looked average to me.  She's tall, but because she was so thin and gawky, her body appeared out of proportion.  Needless to say, I never found her remotely attractive. 

But when she showed up for the retreat, boy, I realized she became cute all of a sudden.  She's one of those few girls who managed to look better in her late 20s than in her late teens.  Although she's not "hot" by any stretch, she's solid cute in a girl-next-door kinda way.  I'd give her a 7 or 7. 5. 

I remember returning home from the retreat and pouring over hundreds of photos I've taken.  In almost every photo, every hair on Vivian's head was perfectly groomed and she never failed to flashy a playful inviting smile.  I've ever met someone that photogenic. 

Of course, cute girls are everywhere.  That's not what impressed me.  What impressed me was how cool and smart she was.  She graduated on a full ride to the University of Hong Kong.  From speaking to her, you can immediately sense her intelligence, maturity and a sense of fun and adventure. 

I don't get intimidated by girls, even supermodel ones.  This one intimidated me. 

In every other scenario, I would have gotten friendly during our week together.  I'm not shy.  I could have easily gamed her.  But I didn't.  Remember, this was a family retreat.  If I were caught being friendly to my cousin (which could be borderline incest), my family (particularly my mom) would raise questions, give me funny looks or tease me.  Trust me.  If you knew my family, you'd know how uncomfortable that would be. 

I remember on one afternoon during the retreat, our entire party rode a bus to a wooded area and hiked twenty minutes to some campground.  During the hike, I'd look back and frequently see her walking alone.  I thought several times of slowing down to accompany her -- but I didn't.  I fucking regret that, something that haunted me for several weeks.  I hate myself for failing to do the right thing because I feared how others would perceive it. 

What's really strange about Vivian was how she never seems to have a boyfriend.  And that's the point of this entry.  After the retreat, I rummaged through volumes of photos on her Facebook -- but none of them has her in a romantic pose with a guy.  I know for a fact she's not a lesbian (long story).  So how the heck does a smart, cute, fun girl manage to have such a shitty social life?

I've come to realize that a lot of people have bizarre personal issues that defy logic.  Who knows what hers is.  There are plenty of people who are normal, even attractive, obsessing over their flaws (real and imagined).  This insecurity causes them to withdraw socially or, if someone shows interest, he/she would think he/she's not good enough.  I have a feeling if I tried getting friendly with Vivian, she would have pushed me away.  It’d her loss because she’d never know how much I admired her. 

I certainly had my own personal issues, ones that took years to overcome.  Will Vivian overcome hers?

Those nameless fading colors

You're probably wondering why the fuck haven't I written anything on this blog lately.  That might be because you think my entire life is spent on pondering courtship and gender issues.  I know I give that impression since that's the only subject I write about on AF.

But trust me, I have a zillion other concerns and interests.  These days, house-hunting and starting a small business consumes most of my free time.  As such, the Stylelife Challenge has been placed on the back burner.  Hopefully, I'll return to it tomorrow and write a little something about it. 

For now, I want to tell a story.  It's not really a story, but an observation. 

My brother got married seven years ago.  From the marriage, I acquired in-laws on my brother's wife side of the family.  One of these in-laws is this really beautiful Burmese girl I've admired from afar for years.  She doesn’t know it (never caught me looking).  I don't even know her name.  I see her only twice a year, usually Christmas and Chinese New Years.  She'd normally be hanging out with her side of the family and I'd do the same in mine.

She fits into a rare class of girls whom I consider “elegant”.  Elegant girls aren’t just beautiful, they have an aura of sophistication and intelligence.  Having an elegant look does not mean she's actually smart and sophisticated, only that her appearance, fashion sense and demeanor conveys that impression. 

Well, my nameless in-law fits into this rare category.  At least she once did. 

Because I see her so infrequently, I can detect changes in her appearances from one year to the next.  When I first spotted her at my brother’s wedding seven years ago, my immediate thoughts were, "fuck, I can't stop staring."

But as the years wore on (sigh), I can see her appearance declining fast.  Although this is typical of women pushing into her late 20s, the decline is most acutely detectable on the really pretty ones.  Flowers of all types will eventually wilt away, but you notice most the ones that were once the prettiest and most colorful. 

I'll probably see her next month at our Christmas family gathering.  I’m curiously looking forward to it in macabre kind of way, to see how much more her colors have faded.  I don't think she's married.  She could have landed a handsome wealthy husband if she had played her cards correctly, when her beauty was at its peak.  Like for so many modern women these days, she seemed to have allowed her best courtship years to slip irreversibly by without capitalizing. 

General courtship theory for girls – Part 2 of 2

We left off last time figuring out whether you're "in the game". 

If you've determined that you're likely "in the game", that's great!  But that's just the first step.  Guys will also find dozens of girls who meet his physical requirements.  So I assure you that you're not without competitors.  Being in the game does not mean he sees you as girlfriend material.  It does not mean you can sit back and wait for fate to do its magic.  It only means, a door of opportunity has opened.  Your job is to get off your booty and rise to the top of the list. 

The good news is, guys don't automatically go for the hottest girl.  I assure you that your dad didn’t marry your mom because she was the absolute most beautiful.  As long as a girl meets his minimal physical requirements, her personality becomes the make-or-break issue.  So what kind of personality does he look for? Simple.  He's looking for someone who's sweet, who's available, who's feminine (leave your feminist bullshit at home), and who seems to like him in return.  If you can do these four things better than your competitors, you have a shot at winning the rat race. 

The last part is important, the part about someone "who seems to like him in return. " No guy likes rejection, not even the most successful playerish guy.  Mystery is named the #1 pickup artist in the world.  Yet, he still suffers from approach anxiety.  So imagine how terrified your average guy must feel. 

Your job is then to lower his risk and to make him think that, if he takes a risk, you will reward him.  If you play hard-to-get and silly mind games, it raises his risk.  If you're surrounded by lots of guys, it raises his risk.  If you're inconsistent, it raises his risk.  If your Facebook says you're "in a relationship", it raises his risk.  If you're shy and quiet, it raises his risk.  The more risk he feels, the less likely he'll take an initiative.  That's simple human psychology.  You would think this is logical -- except most girls do the illogical thing by playing counterproductive games instead. 

Lowering his risk is simple: take some initiative and make him think you're interested.  Nobody is asking you to ask him out or do something outlandish or slutty.  I’m sure you don’t need me to list ways to show interest.  If you genuinely don’t know how, you are not ready for courtship (let alone ready for a relationship). 

There are certain simple things you can say that signals interest while leading him to take an initiative.  Things like "I want to watch Paranormal Activity but all my friends have already seen it. " Or "I wanna try that new Greek restaurant but none of my friends like Greek food. " These are leading questions.  Hopefully, this makes it easy for him to follow up with an invitation. 

Ultimately, you can never control what the other party does or know anything for certain.  You can only play your best game and hope the chips fall in the right place.  If after you take a few initiatives and he doesn’t respond, hey, take a hint and move on.  Furthermore, let's face it, you won't attract or keep a "hot" guy if you're not "hot" yourself.  So a bit of realism on your part is desperately needed. 

We live in a brutal courtship world.  If you don't play the game properly or understand its rules, the social marketplace will efficiently weed you out of the gene pool.  Once you're out, nobody will miss you =). 

Getting lucky in Las Vegas

I'm sick and won't be writing Part II to the general courtship strategy for girls tonite.  I'll try to do it tomorrow night.

Instead, I wanna quickly link to a fantastic article about the pickup community posted on today's Las Vegas Weekly.  It talks about a seduction bootcamp in Las Vegas and how ordinary guys (many of them good-looking and seemingly normal) pay almost $4000 to attend.  It's taught by a company called "LoveSytems" which used to have a partnership with pickup guru Mystery.

It may be a crazy waste of money.  But according to the article, it seems to have helped the socially-awkward students conquer their fears as they try out the "LoveSystems" strategy at a trendy Vegas nightclub.

http://www.lasvegasweekly.com/news/2009/oct/29/sympathy-skeezy/

General courtship theory for girls – Part 1 of 2

Since I wrote a general courtship theory for guys on this blog, I feel it's fair for me to post a general courtship strategy for girls.  The new book from Neil Strauss won't arrive for another three days so I might as well talk about something else for the time being.

Girls usually fail in courtship for three reasons:

#1 - Too much confidence
When a girl has too much confidence, she becomes overly picky.  It's OK to be overly picky if she has the beauty to match.  Often, she does not.

#2 - Too little confidence
When a girl has too little confidence, she becomes shy, withdrawn or hostile to guys.  She will only react to a guy, not initiate.  She may also act mean to get a guy's attention since acting mean involves less risk for rejection than acting nice.

#3 - Believes in fairy tales
When a girl believes in fairy tales, she expects love to come as portrayed in movies and Korean dramas.

These three scenarios are very different.  Yet, there is commonality: girls in these scenarios think they don't have to take action and believe love will "just happen".  Add to this their belief in fate, astrology and other superstition, and you’d arrive at the perfect excuse for inaction.

Before you (as a female) want results, you must believe that your courtship success depends directly on your ability to play the game and take risk.  This is not just for courtship, it's for almost everything you do in life.  You will not succeed at school, at work, in business, in politics, in whatever, if you think you can just sit lazily on your rectum waiting for your lottery numbers to hit.

Once you understand this concept, and accept it, you need to work on your appearance.

Unfortunately, a girl's appearance is a make-or-break issue.  You need to work on it.  Lose the weight, dress flashy and flirty and have a killer haircut.

Of course, not all girls will be a perfect 10.  And that's OK.  Most guys understand his own value before imposing standards.  A "hot" guy with money and social skills will naturally demand higher standards than a guy who's lower on the totem pole.

Whether his standards are high or low, you must meet them or be borderline.  If you fall short, it's game over for you.  Not to be mean, but he's not going to somehow see "the real you" if he's unimpressed with the physical you.

Knowing whether you meet his standards (being "in the game") is not hard.  Guys tend to make their intentions pretty clear, especially if he knows you’re single and available.  If he makes constant and persistent attempts to talk to you or be around you, there's a good chance you're in the game.  Don’t erect stupid obstacles by playing hard-to-get or being mean or implying you have a boyfriend.  If you do, you will find it infinitely harder to determine whether he finds you physically acceptable.

If you’re still unsure, you need to probe by taking initiative.  Make an approach or try being a bit touchy.  Do it two or three times.  If he doesn't respond or, after a short period of time, he doesn’t reciprocate, accept the fact that it's game over.  Don’t take it personally.  Maybe he has a girlfriend, or isn’t interested in dating, or is gay.  Even if he’s not impressed with your appearance, someone else will since beauty is subjective.  I doubt you’re so unattractive that NO ONE would find you acceptable.

If you're "in the game", the next blog entry will talk about where to go from here...

Paperback re-release of Rules of the Game

I know what some of you are thinking.  "What the hell is up with your 'Stylelife Challenge'?"  "Why haven't you posted stories of your utter and complete humiliation?" 

By now, I should be in Day Three or Four.

Well, last week, I noticed that a new version of Rules of the Game is being released on paperback on October 27th.  Supposedly, it will feature new and improved material, including openers and routines that Strauss had recruits test out in the field.  I just ordered a copy from Amazon.

Once the book gets re-released, it should inspire a flood of new interest in the Challenge on the Stylelife forum.

The push back date for me to begin the Stylelife Challenge has been postponed to November 1st or whenever I receive the book from Amazon.

Never say never

The list below is from Neil Strauss' 11 Dating Commandments.

I especially love #11 because it says something I've always wanted to say, but could never find the right words.

I know I've said stuff like "NEVER confess" or "NEVER chase".  Of course, there's no such thing as "never".  I say it only to emphasize the stupidity of doing it under most conditions.  People do stupid, desperate things usually because their emotions are running out of control or they're getting courtship advise from chick-flicks or chick publications.

But there are very rare moments when it is appropriate to be a rule breaker.  Strauss is right: the only time to break a "rule" is only when you truly know why the rule exists and when the need to break is the only logical thing to do.

Neil Strauss' 11 Dating Commandments

1. Don't wait to approach her until she's alone.  Even if she likes you, her friends will soon drag her away.

2. Don't stare at her for more than three seconds before approaching.  Hesitate, and you'll either creep her out or psych yourself out.

3. Don't be afraid to approach just because there are men in the group.  Chances are she's with family, friends, or co-workers, not a love interest.

4. Don't open a conversation by apologizing.  Phrases like "Excuse me," "Pardon me," and "I'm sorry" make you sound like a beggar.

5. Don't hit on her or give her a generic compliment.  Instead, start a conversation with an entertaining anecdote or question, such as asking the group to suggest names for a three-legged cat or a store hat sells 1970's memorabilia.  Everyone loves to give an option.

6. Don't buy her a drink.  You shouldn't have to pay for her attention.

7. Don't touch or grab her right away.  If she touches you, say, with a smile, "Hey now, hands off the merchandise."

8. Don't lean in or hover over her.  Stand up straight and, if the music's too loud or she's seated, simply speak up.

9. Don't initially ask what her name is, what she does for a living or where she's from.  She's bored of talking about the same thing with every new guy she meets.

10. Don't focus all your attention on her when she's with other people.  If you win over her friends, you'll win her.

11. Don't be afraid to violate any of these guidelines once you understand them and why they exist.

Day 1 - The cool guy at a party

This is going to be a long entry.  But I hope you guys stick with reading it because I think you'll learn something important, something that took a long time for me to figure out, and something I never revealed on AsianFanatics. 

On Day 1 of the Stylelife Challenge, Neil Strauss invited readers to evaluate themselves, share "limiting beliefs" and how they want to be perceived by others.  Most of this is personal so I will not be sharing most of my self-evaluation with you. 

However, I would like to share a story that happened two years ago, an event that taught me how to better socialize with strangers. 

Before this event, most people would probably think I'm a smart, nice and pleasant guy.  But I was never popular.  I thought people would take an interest in me because I was intelligent or can play the piano or had lots of interesting theories about the world.  But that was hardly the case.  In fact, strangers probably felt I was a tad socially-awkward and reserved.  Not enough to be creepy, but enough so that I'm not the preferred choice to hang with at a party.

All that changed two years ago. 

During August 2007, my sister got married in San Francisco.  Over the four day celebration, I was surrounded by strangers.  In the past, I would be the nice quiet guy you'd talk to only when no one else was around.  But for some odd reason, I decided to take on a new personality.  The results of this new personality absolutely floored me.  I was actually the guy whom others wanted to hang with.  This has never happened to me before. 

This is what I did. . . 

First, I initiated with people.  I made it a point to go up to every stranger, say something welcoming, and then engage in chitchat that mostly focused on the other person.  This was easier to do than in typical situations because I was the brother of the bride and had a natural advantage.

Second, my posture and demeanor improved.  It didn't matter if the other person was beautiful, ugly, taller, smarter, richer, etc.  I approached and talked as if I was completely comfortable (even when I wasn't).  I stood tall, chin up and spoke assertively and decisively. 

Third, I did not strive to impress.  I didn't use fancy words or imply any sense of intelligence.  Instead, I was edgy.  I poked fun (gently, of course).  I didn't care about speaking perfectly or being a gentlemen.  Although I wouldn't say anything offensive, I didn't hide from being blunt and slightly controversial.  I was casual and didn't cling.  I expressed myself with a few "shit"s and "fuck"s, something I never did with strangers before. 

OMG, what a difference these three things made! My sister's wedding was probably the most important event in her life.  Unbeknownst to her, it was also a very important event for me because of this self-discovery.  It was one of the turning points of my life.

Next time you're at a social gathering, try doing these three things.  I guarantee people would respond much more favorably towards you.  The reason this works is, it relates to a core principle of the Mystery Method.  And that is, expressing insecurity hastens social death.  Not approaching people is an act of insecurity.  Not having proper posture is an act of insecurity.  Trying to impress is an act of insecurity.  Nobody wants to hang with people with security issues.  And that was once my problem. 

I would read back with embarrassment at Facebook postings I wrote before this discovery.  I was so intent on portraying myself online as being smart and proper.  Now I realize how foolish it looked.  It reeked of insecurity. 

Lots of guys on AF (and Asian guys in general) think they can impress girls with sporty cars, diplomas and fancy job titles.  If they only knew how stupid this strategy is. 

I've come a long way when it comes to being sociable.  But I still have work to do.  Mastering this art is what I hope to accomplish in the Stylelife Challenge -- and one of the goals I wrote about on my self-evaluation.  For me, this challenge is not just about girls and pickup.

Stylelife Challenge begins today

Just a bit of "ground rules" on how this will work.  Although it's a “30-day" Challenge, the book says you don't need to complete it over thirty consecutive days.  That's impossible for me and most people since we have jobs and lives that often prevents us from being out on field missions.  So I'm aiming for completing 2-3 missions per week.  From reading the Stylelife forum, this pace seems about average for other challengers. 

Furthermore, I also don't think I'd need the full thirty days.  Perhaps I can abandon the Challenge on Day 20 or so.  I'm sure some of what Neil Strauss teaches will not be applicable for where I wish to take Project JSBach.  The point is to get my feet wet without veering into a direction I don't need to go. 

The reason I'm starting today instead of three weeks ago (when I bought the book) is, I’m in the process of shopping for a new home.  I had wanted this chore out of the way so I'd have time for field missions.  Unfortunately, this isn't going to happen because the home buying process will take far more time than expected.  I think most AFers are too young to know what home buying is like.  It's one of the more stressful things you can do because so much of your success depends on factors completely beyond your control.  Interestingly, it's very much like courtship.  It takes a lot of time and you can't expect to get exactly what you want. 

I realized how lame it is for me to expect resolving the home buying issue before starting the Challenge.  I've always stated how girls should never be your sole interest in life, that it should be done only in conjunction with other life's activities.  As you will see, I often fail to follow my own advice.  Perhaps I could share some stories about it someday. 

Rethinking - Don't throw out the garbage just yet

In two of my articles, I separated friendships into four progressive stages:

Stage 1 - Strangers.  Zero conversation. 
Stage 2 - Acquaintances.  Nothing more than "Hello" and brief superficial comments. 
Stage 3 - Early Friendship.  Real conversation begins. 
Stage 4 - Late Friendship.  3+ months of real friendliness. 

I had advocated tossing out Stage 4 girls for two reasons.  First, once you're friendzoned, the odds are so slim of turning it around that you'd be wasting time and effort.  Second, pursuing girls who friendzoned you often makes you feel like crap and drains self-esteem.  Crappy self-esteem makes you worst at playing the courtship game towards other girls. 

However, I can see how it's not a good idea to burn bridges.  I wish forummers would have called me out on this one. 

Granted, you shouldn't expect to go anywhere with Stage 4 girls.  Don't keep chasing them and remove all expectations of anything romantic arising. 

But remain somewhat friendly and keep them around, even if you have to flirt with them once in a while.  That's because, if your target (in Stage 1-3) sees you surrounded by Stage 4 chicks, your value will increase and she'll be more likely interested in you or more receptive to your advance.  Remember, the popularity principle states that, girls want guys who are wanted by other girls.  In the PUA community, this is called "social proof”. 

Does that mean you're using Stage 4 people to impress someone else?  Of course! Remember that these girls have already friendzoned you.  You might as well channel that energy into a positive asset. 

Rethinking - Running a routine

During the courtship phase, I've always advocated being the first to end a conversation with a girl, especially when things are going well.  Walking away leaves her wanting more and demonstrates you're not some needy pest.  She will look forward to seeing you again and won't take your company for granted. 

One great way to intrigue her, before you end the conversation, is by running a routine, something I wished I had thought of during my two years of writing for AsianFanatics. 

A routine is a conversational piece that provokes discussion and interest.  Storytelling is one type of routine and a great way to sell yourself discretely (as mentioned last time). 

Here, I will discuss another type of routine. . . 

Have you ever read women's magazines?  They're full of personality tests.  "Are you compatible with him?  Take this test to find out!"  or "Are you shy or outgoing. . . take this quiz to find out!"  Girls love stuff like this because they are infinitely fascinated with themselves and dying to get more insights.  They're also gullible and never seem to question the scientific validity to these things.  Hence, that explains their fascination with personality tests, astrology, palm-reading, tarot cards, fate, etc. 

You can exploit this by running a routine similar to this. . . 

(suddenly changing topic)
You: "You know, I can tell you're an emotional type of person."
Her: "Yeah, I am! How can you tell?"
You: "You look up every time you're thinking."
Her: "What do you mean?"
You: "People who look up when thinking are emotional.  People who look sideways are analytical.  And people who look down are visual."
Her: "That's so true!
You: "So why do you think you're so emotional?"

The truth is, it doesn't matter whether she looks up.  If she looks down, I would have said that looking down is a sign of being emotional.  That way, I can steer the conversation wherever I choose and into an area for which I've already prepared.  No girl will say "no, I'm not emotional. " Therefore, I'm always right and this makes her likely to accept the validity of my test.  It's like a magician that asks you to pick a "random" card when it's really not random. 

Similarily, you can say stuff like "I can tell you put barriers around yourself to prevent from getting hurt" or "I can tell you are often misunderstood" or "I can tell you're often frustrated with your friends".  She'll almost always reply, "OMG, you're soooo right!"

Your routines can also be based on other stuff, like palm reading, astrology, feng shui, ESP mind-reading, tarot cards, handwriting analysis, numerology, etc.  Anything that offers unnatural insights about her will guarantee to interest her.  There are books you can buy cheaply to learn the basics of these paranormal skills.  Better yet, make up your own stuff so that your routine could suit whatever conversational topics that comes up. 

I found a treasure trove of ideas for routines on the Stylelife forum.  You have to register to see all their forums.  You can copy someone else's routines or get ideas on making up your own.  Whatever you do, be sure you have plenty of them handy whenever the chance to use them arises.

Rethinking - Be a great storyteller

PUA experts have stressed the need for a guy to be a great storyteller as a way of demonstrating higher value, building intimacy and encouraging conversation.  It's something I wished I had advocated during my courtship writings.

To begin with, story-telling is a great way to accentuate something positive about yourself without bragging or being direct.

For example, let's say you want her to know that you're compassionate to animals.  Don't say:

"Yeah, I'm a pretty compassionate kinda guy and I love animals.  I've always wanted to volunteer at an animal shelter.  It makes me warm knowing I'm helping the helpless."

LAME!  You sound like a politician.  Nobody likes a braggart or someone trying too hard to impress.  Both are actions of people who are of lower value.

Instead, tell a story, one that is interesting and funny:

"OMG, I remember one time, I was looking outside when something scared the shit out of me.  This bird flew right into the window.  Made a loud banging noise.  I went outside and saw it on the grass.  Good thing it was still alive but was injured.  So I wrapped it in a towel and brought him inside.  I put it in a box and hid it in my closet 'cuz my mom wouldn't want wild animals inside.  She won't even let me have a goldfish.  One night, the bird recovered, got loose and fluttered around the house.  Scared the crap out of my mom!  It was, like, impossible to get it outside."

This is a far more effective way of demonstrating compassion to animals because it sounds like you're simply telling a story without ulterior motives.  It's a sneaky way of selling yourself but it works because she wouldn't suspect a thing.

Story-telling is also a great way to build intimacy and encourage conversation.  Girls are usually pretty good listeners.  The trick is to use a proper animated tone, hand gestures and keep the story short, simple and to the point.  Told properly, she will cling to your every word.  I assure you that she'd rather hear a story than you bragging about yourself.

This YouTube video gives 10 tips on how to tell a great story.

Rethinking - Watch your leaning

My courtship writings have always advocated the need to appear confident, stand tall, move with conviction and, when walking into a room, pretend that you "fucking own the place".

But I neglected to share one all-important confidence tactic.  And that is, never lean towards the person you're interested in.  This is something I've been guilty of, especially when seated at a table with a date.

In watching both seasons of VH-1's The Pick-Up Artist and numerous pickup videos on Youtube, one of the most basic (yet effective) tool in appearing confident is the lean (or lack thereof).  If a guy's posture is erect or leans back, he projects confidence, comfort, coolness and non-neediness.  If the guy leans in, he looks like an eager, needy and hopeless kiss-ass.  If you watch the videos, you'd notice that the difference in a guy's aura is utterly irrefutable.  It often makes the difference in him being well-received and him being rejected.

Picking up body language, no matter how subtle, is a remnant of human's prehistoric days when it was the only way in which people communicated.  Even today, despite development of complex verbal languages, most studies agree that body langauge is far more important than actual words when communicating.

Also, keeping in mind that you're likely bigger than the girl.  Leaning towards her may cause her to feel threatened or annoyed.  Think how you'd feel if some big guy hovered over you. 

The only time to lean in is when you truly can’t hear the other person (maybe she has laryngitis) or saying something private when others are around.  This does not include loud party environments.  If you're in a noisy club, don’t lean in every time you speak or she speaks.  This is called "pecking" in the PUA world.  Instead of pecking, just speak louder.   Speaking loud also doubles as a sign of confidence.  And if you speak loud, she will likely speak loud too.

One final interesting thought.  The less you lean, the greater the chance of her becoming attracted to you.  The more she's attracted to you, the greater the chance that she will do the leaning towards you instead.  If she leans in, BINGO!, that's an IOI.

Rethinking – Reading signs of interest

When I first started writing for AsianFanatics in July 2007, I had hoped my ideas would get challenged so that I would gain a deeper understanding of courtship.  To my surprise and chagrin, there has been little real debate aside from a few snide remarks from critics.  As such, without much quality discussion, my views on courtship haven’t changed much since I first appeared on the forum. 

That is, until now.  Now that I've studied PUA tactics, I'm finally beginning to rethink some of my strategies.  Although a vast majority of their theories and tactics are similar to mine, there are some contradictions and important things I've never thought of.  Since I have a week before the Stylelife Challenge, I want to discuss updates to the JSBach optimum courtship strategy over the next few blog entries. 

Let's start by reading Indicators of Interest. 

In the past, if a guy posted a "does she like me" question, I would immediately shoot it down and call him a retard.  I had thought this is a pointless question because you can never reach a definitive answer.  Not only is it pointless, it can also be dangerous because it can distract the guy from the optimum courtship strategy.  It’s like shooting free throws; your strategy should be the same regardless of the situation. 

On second thought, I think there is indeed limited appropriateness for asking a "does she like me" question.  A guy should ask when determining whether to escalate. 

When interacting with a girl, timing is everything.  Most girls aren't stable because she frequently stumbles over her own ego and indecision.  Just because she's willing to give her phone number now doesn’t mean she'll still agree thirty minutes later.  The right timing requires spotting signs that she's telegraphing.  Not only do interpreting these signs reveal doors of opportunity to escalate, it also prevents her from feeling rejected.  After all, if she's giving signs and you don't bite, she will perceive that as rejection.  When rejected, her ego will do stuff that you won’t like. 

Second, since timing is everything, most guys need a rough roadmap to gauge interest.  Unfortunately, most guys are horrible at determining whether a girl is interested.  She would swear that she's giving out signs, but he would also swear to not seeing any.  This is why the Indicator of Interest list on the Project JSBach Omnibus thread is so helpful

Of course, nobody knows whether anything spoken or gestured is a definitive sign of interest.  There are indeed dangers of relying on the list dogmatically.  But aside from mind-reading, that list is the next best (and only) thing we've got.  Anything that increases your chance of reading her intentions, even minutely and inexactly, will give you an edge in courtship. 

Granted, a lot of people (particularly girls) ask a "does he/she like me" question only to satisfy a curiosity.  If that's the case, then yes, I would continue to shoot you down.  But if you're asking so that you would know when to escalate, then it's a valid concern. 

The Pickup Artist Season 1 on VH-1

Two weeks after watching Season 2, I decided to watch Season 1 of VH-1's The Pick-Up Artist.  I'm glad I watched the seasons in reverse order. 

Comparatively, Season 1 is crap.  If I had seen this first, I might have skipped Season 2.  Season 1's production was sloppy.  Some of the challenges don't make sense (picking up strippers at a strip joint?!).  The three instructors (Mystery, J-Dog and Matador) never had chemistry together.  In fact, J-Dog even attacked Mystery's use and advocacy of opinion openers in a blog entry during the airing of Season 2.  Perhaps that's why J-Dog was replaced by Tara in Season 2. 

To top it all off, the winner (Kosmo) was later discovered not to be a "video game programmer" but a struggling actor. 

Granted, just because someone wants to be an actor (who doesn't?) doesn't mean he's already smooth with the ladies.  People from all walks of life (including struggling actors) can be horrible with women.  Furthermore, the people filmed in the bars and clubs were real.  The show candidly demonstrated how a guy's posture, speech and confidence could generate a certain response from strangers. 

Still, for VH-1 to have listed Kosmo as a "video game programmer" when he never programmed dick shows nobody bothered with background checks.  And not only was Kosmo the winner, he was also the best looking guy in the bunch.  This compromises the belief that virtually any guy, regardless of looks, can learn to be a good "pickup artist".  So much for the show's motto "turning loveable losers into ladies' man".  I'm surprised VH-1 ordered a second season. 

Even though season 2 was much better and with no known scandals surfacing, I've read nothing about Season 3.  I bet they won't be making one because of lack of viewership.  Most watchers of reality programming are women.  From reading various forums, most women (and some men) would frequently get outraged and moralistic at the idea of "picking up women".  If women tune out, any reality show will likely go bye bye. 

Also, why make another season for Mystery to teach the same stuff?  It would get repetitive hearing about "negging" and "DHVing" for a third season in a row. 

Even though I enjoyed the series, I'm glad there won't be Season 3.  If the show becomes popular and the Mystery Method spreads, the method would no longer work.  Although PUAs can always invent another method, I don't feel like learning another language. 

Challenge prerequisites

Since I made my commitment to the Stylelife Challenge so public yesterday (here on this blog and on AsianFanatics), the pressure is now ON to perform.  As instructed by Strauss, I have not read ahead at what the field missions will be.  I hope I can do them.  My credibility is on the line here!

I also hope many of you who expressed an interest in Project JSBach would consider joining me in the Challenge.  I'm not starting until October 15th so you have two weeks to get the book. 

While planning Project JSBach, I had intended on giving participants the following checklist of recommended things to do as a prerequisite for the Project.  I've been reading tons on the Mystery's Method so I think I have a grasp of what may be needed.  I also have a feeling Strauss will involve many of these things somewhere during the Challenge.  I'll be doing this checklist as part of my prerequisite to October 15th. 

Peacocking - Have 1 or 2 items of clothing or accessory that stands out.  Examples can be: necklace, earring, bracelet, hat, shirt with funny/rude message, stuff that lights up or glows in the dark, etc.  Prepare an interesting/funny story in case someone asks about it. 

Seek hunting groups - Preparing a list of target-rich places where young Asian girls hang out in your area.  Examples include: anywhere near a university, bookstore, library, Asian shopping areas, coffee shops, bars, clubs, etc. 

Teeth-whitening strips - At around $35 per box, they can be costly.  But with a typical 7-day treatment, they can really make a difference. 

Learn one paranormal skill - Buy a basic book that teaches stuff like tarot card reading, astrology, palm reading, fortune-telling, handwriting analysis, numerology, etc.  Or make up your own paranormal skill ("I can reveal your personality by studying the veins on the back of your hands").

Fix voicemail message - Only a boring dweeb would have the typical "please leave a message and I'll get back to you" message on their voicemail.  In case phone numbers get exchanged and she calls, you don't want girls to think you're boring.  Record a funny or edgy message instead. 

Prep your Facebook - In case Facebook gets exchanged, have it prepped so that you eliminate nerdy crap (like how you're a fan of the Old Republic Jedi Rountable).  Try to find photos of you with friends in a party setting and action snapshots (like you on a mountain bike or skiing).  Do not say you're "single" or "in a relationship"; leave that blank.  List hobbies that cool people do in group settings, like raving, barhopping or karaokeing. 

Buy gum or mints in bulk - Obvious

Have edgy clothing - Have one change of clothing that makes you look a bit rebellious.  Wearing black anything will do, especially with accessories that rockers wear, and a t-shirt of some cool band.  You must look a bit of a bad ass.  Practice getting your hair messed up or sprayed with coloring.  Get fake pierce-less earrings. 

Upload photos to phone or iPod - Think of photos that can serve as a conversational piece.  These photos should reveal a cool fun personality, not of you playing video games or other geeky crap.  Photos of pets and small children (who are your relatives) are also great. 

Keep a journal or blog - That's what Strauss suggested

Purpose of this blog -- Part 2

The purpose of this blog is to chronicle my foray in the art of cold approaching Asian girls.  I'm going to get so fucking good at this, I will be able to teach others and perform live demonstrations for my friends. 

I'm not interested in getting laid or even finding a girlfriend from it.  Most expert pickup artists creep me out with their narrow-minded obsession with vaginas and conquest.  In fact, I hate to even call it a "pickup".  Sounds so cheesy and loserish.  I'd prefer to call it: Opening a stream of new people in our lives and uncovering new adventures.

It took Mystery many years and several hundred failures before he figured out a method.  Fortunately, I don't have to.  I can simply use what he and others have already written, take out the bad and irrelevant, and add my own strategies.  Presto.  We have the JSBach Method.

Last month, I proposed initiating Project JSBach on AsianFanatics to figure out an Asian pickup method.  The project would recruit dozens of guys who would go out, try new strategies and report back on what works and what sucked. 

However, since I have little experience with the cold approach, I'm hardly qualified to lead any projects.  Therefore, the Project will be postponed for about 30-45 days.

During the postponement, to better prepare myself, I've decided to become Style’s latest student.  Neil Strauss wrote a book called Rules of the Game where he presents a 30 day course (the Stylelife Challenge) designed to help readers master the game.  Included in each daily lesson is a field mission involving real strangers in real situations.  Each day, the challenge takes the reader deeper into pickup territory.  It's sort of interesting and exciting since we're not supposed to read ahead.  So I'm not sure where this challenge will take me.

You don't need to perform all 30 days consecutively.  Readers are free to go at their own pace.  I might not feel I need to perform all thirty missions.  Once I feel comfortable with approaching, I can return to AsianFanatics to start Project JSBach.

I've decided to begin the Stylelife Challenge on October 15th and post my progress on this blog truthfully.  Any humilation will be public!

Purpose of this blog -- Part 1

A lot of people following my writings on AsianFanatics.net must wonder "JSBach, are you really that fucking good in courtship?"

The answer is YES.  But.  Before you envy me, consider this.  My expertise is geared only towards girls who are already in our lives (same school, office, church, friends, etc).  That usually consists of a very narrow social pool.  If that pool contains girls who are unattractive, unavailable, crazy, immature or those who have friendzoned you, you're shit out of luck.  No amount of courtship mastery would matter.

This issue is especially pressing for people, including myself, who are no longer in school.  Once you're in the workforce, your social outlet will consist primarily of coworkers.  Workplaces are usually horrible places for courtship.  Most girls there are too old, married or there's the problem with overexposure and possible complication to workplace harmony if things go badly (which is most of the time).

This is why we all need to learn how to cold approach a stranger.  We bump into attractive strangers every day.  If you get good, an infinite social universe will open.  You would actually be able to do something productive when you encounter a hot chick, not just turn impotently to your friend and go "whoa, check her out."

Therefore, although I feel I've presented a great courtship method, it has limited applicability.  I almost feel the method is irrelevant without knowing how to meet people to begin with.

That's why, when I stumbled across the pickup community after reading The Game, light bulbs went on in my head.  A lot of their methods are effective and doesn't require the guy to act slimy, weird or desperate.  They simply strike up a normal conversation and then, through body language and a graceful verbal dance, they start slowly ensnaring their target.  There's almost a sense of beauty and intricacy to their art form, one based on intellect and social intuition.

I'll continue on this subject tomorrow...

Ordinary is the rule, not the exception

"Hi, are you from Japan?"

That's how Kazu usually opened.  No cheesy pickup lines.  Nothing unusual. 

The only thing unusual is his fearlessness in approaching strangers and engaging them in conversation.  He can approach a group sitting at the mall food court or the solitary girl at the college bookstore. 

Most of the time, the approach is a bust.  They may respond only out of politeness before giving give him a polite strangerly brush off.  Rejection didn't faze him.  It's all just a number's game.  Many evenings, when I walked pass and peered into his dorm, I'd spot a new girl giggling inside. 

Kazu lived a few doors down from me during my third year in college.  From outward appearances, few would suspect he's a player.  He's a short, stocky Japanese guy who dressed rather plainly.  His face revealed a strong, angular jaw but nothing that would have stood out from a crowd.  Unlike other foreign students from Japan, he wasn't rich.  He drove a piece of shit Toyota Tercel and seemed to barely scrape by. 

One Sunday morning, I woke to Kazu knocking. 

"You don't believe what I found out about Lydia", he said as I opened the door. 

Lydia accompanied us during the previous evening's outing to a Japanese night club.  She was this unbelievably beautiful Japanese girl who looked like she just leapt from the pages of some anime comic book.  She was also one of the random girls Kazu had befriended at the library.  Although it's been almost a decade since that evening, I can still see that red miniskirt and black stockings pulled just above her knee, visions that I whack off to in the shower. 

"What?” I responded, barely awake and sober.

"She works as a high class prostitute.  I could have fucked her for free but decided not to. "

“Why not?” Given her beauty, I’m not surprised at her profession but surprised he didn't take the opportunity. 

“It’s more like, not yet”, he snickered.  “I’ve decided to take her to a friend’s party tonight. ”

Wealthy Japanese businessmen would pony $2,000 a night to be seen with her at business functions and for sex afterwards.  My ordinary friend, without status, wealth or model good looks, could have gotten her for free.  Not just one night, but two. 

It’s been many years since I’ve lost contact with Kazu.  But in the past few weeks, as I study pickup tactics, I'm beginning to understand why he had so much success with women.  He had four things I believe contributed to his success: a muscular body, a shaved head, positive carefree attitude and no approach anxiety. 

In short, the guy had an edgy attitude, both physically and mentally.  Not the kind of attitude that says "go fuck yourself", but the type that draws you in towards his unassuming, confident coolness.

I've also learned that players like Kazu, who was ordinary looking, were the norm and not the exception.  If you ask women to envision how a womanizer would look like (the type to avoid), most would conjure up someone like James Bond, someone good-looking, smooth and predatory.  Yet, most of the world’s greatest pickup artists like Mystery, Style, Ross Jeffries and David DeAngelo would not survive Round 1 if GQ photographers came to town to recruit.

Perhaps ordinary looking guys fare better at the game because no girl would assume they're a skilled pickup artist.  The best approaches are indeed those where the girl doesn't suspect a thing. 

There are people like Kazu who are naturals, who can achieve socially without reading a tip from some book or website.  But it's gratifying to know that, for unnaturals like myself and countless guys out there, it is a skill that can be acquired if the will or desperation is strong enough. 

Perhaps there really is an inkling of justice in the dating universe, one that rewards merit and effort. 

Kazu eventually had sex with Lydia.  For free.  Many times.

The Pickup Artist Season 2 on VH-1

Two weekends ago, I downloaded and watched Season 2 of VH-1's The Pickup Artist.  I've been curious about this reality program after reading Neil Strauss' book The Game and the "Mystery Method" featured in it.  After failing to find a free viewing on YouTube or VH-1's website, I paid $15 to download it from Amazon.com.

Turns out, the eight episode download provided the most entertaining $15 I've spent in a while.  On the show, pickup guru Mystery (Erik von Markovik) trains nine "loveable losers" on his techniques and dispatches them into bars and clubs filled with real people where hidden cameras and mics record their performance.  Each week, Mystery sends home the student who demonstrates the least progress.  The last one standing is then crowned "The Pickup Artist" and wins $50,000. 

Despite a few logistical flaws in the program, I thought it was a really great show! It was entertaining, inspiring and informative.  On Episode #1, each contestant (without training) bombed dredfully in his approaches.  With the exception of two guys, I thought there's no way these jerkoffs could ever get good at cold approaching women.  Impossible.  Especially the guy who cried at the clothing store during his makeover because he didn't know how to pick cool clothes. 

But after a few lessons from Mystery and his assistants, each contestant began enjoying success.  At first, it was only at approaching some girls and getting them engaged in conversation.  After a few more episodes, they were able to isolate their targets and move them to another, quieter corner of the club.  Towards the end of the season, all remaining contestants were able to smooch their targets on the lips (including the guy who cried at the clothing store).

Before, if you had told me there's a technique for making out with a stranger thirty minutes after meeting her, I would immediately dismiss you as a crazy or gullible person.  I thought stuff like that only happened in the movies.  And certainly, I couldn't imagine there could be a special routine one can teach to any guy.  Well, after watching the program and reading Mystery's book, I'm a believer.

Mystery has plenty of haters (mostly women) who’re skeptical of the effectiveness of his method.  If you're a member of this group, just watch the program.  For $15 and six hours of viewing, you'd likely be cured of those doubts.  At the very least, you’d have a thoroughly entertaining six hours.

YouTube trailer for The Pickup Artist Season 2

The science and history of attraction - Part 2

In the last post, I've revealed why women are instinctually attracted to alpha males and not Nice Guys.  Obviously, the optimum courtship strategy involves mimicking traits of alpha males and avoiding traits of Nice Guys.

Unfortunately, there is no way I can exhaustively discuss the optimum courtship strategy in one post.  Perhaps someday, I can elaborate on this blog and break it down into 10-15 posts like what I'd typically do on AsianFanatics.net.  For now, the Cliff Notes version will do.

Many of you may think that a guy's manly appearance makes him alpha.  Of course, girls are attracted to good-looking, tall, muscular guys.  Fortunately, a guy's appearance is not a make-or-break issue.  There are plenty of fugly guys with beautiful women (never the other way around).  In fact, most of the world's greatest pickup artists are not "hot" guys either.  So while having good looks will doubtlessly give you an advantage, it is not an essential trait of an alpha male. 

The following are a compare and contrast between alpha males (those successful with girls) and Nice Guys.  In doing so, it gives a quick primer on the proper courtship strategy.

Alpha: Does not chase girls
Nice Guy: Chases girls

Alpha: Has that cool and slightly aloof demeanor
Nice Guy: Always give fullest attention

Alpha: Flirts recklessly everywhere during courtship
Nice Guy: Devotes only to one girl during courtship

Alpha: Does not confess his feelings too early
Nice Guy: Confesses his feelings constantly

Alpha: Says what's on his mind regardless of consequences
Nice Guy: Tries to say only the perfect things

Alpha: Unpredictable and uncontrollable
Nice Guy: Predictable and allows her to control him

Alpha: Does not give a shit what others think about him
Nice Guy: Obsessed about wanting to be liked

Alpha: Keeps a girl guessing
Nice Guy: Tells her always where he stands

Alpha: Doesn't take her shit and can walk away
Nice Guy: Shows unconditional love

Alpha: Often unavailable
Nice Guy: "Always there"

Alpha: Mysterious
Nice Guy: Reveals all about himself

Alpha: Teases girls with witty/controversial remarks
Nice Guy: Flatters girls

Alpha: Confident almost to the point of arrogance
Nice Guy: "Do you like me?" spineless attitude

Alpha: Independent...has a life outside of any girl
Nice Guy: The girl is the center of his life

As you can see, many of the traits that makes a guy successful in courtship contridicts most of the fluff you'd see in a chick flick.  The bottom line is, no girl wants a pussy for a boyfriend.  She wants someone whom she can respect, someone to look up to, and someone who will stand up to her nonsense.  That's why you need to drop the Nice Guy routine.

For more details than you can possibly imagine on the optimum courtship strategy, please visit AsianFanatics.net and view my countless postings.

The science and history of attraction - Part 1

Since I've just started this blog, I should state as briefly as possible the general philosophy behind my writings on AsianFanatics.net.

Why do so many guys fail in courtship?  Most of the time, it's not because they aren't nice enough to their targets of affection, but because they're too nice.  They fail to understand exactly how attraction works on a scientific level.  Modern culture and media has brainwashed men into thinking that it's all about chasing the girl with flowers, poetry, candlelight and endless attention. 

The truth is, most of that romantic crap is baloney and a fabrication of modern society. 

The physiology of the human brain has not changed in the last 50,000 years.  What our cave-dwelling ancestors desired is what we desire today.  Romance back then didn't involve flowers and poetry.  Rather, it was more simple, direct and logical.  Women wanted "alpha males", men who are tribal leaders, warriors and wealthy merchants.  That's a rational choice since human instincts are, first and foremost, concerned with survival and reproduction.  She has also learned that Nice Guys aren't alpha males.  You cannot become socially powerful if you're a spineless overly-accomodating chickenshit.  Mating with alpha males, and not Nice Guys, is thus her best survival strategy.  This primal drive has helped humans survive, thrive and multiply throughout the ages and won't be going away anytime soon. 

Fast forward to today.  In our modern society, we've embraced increasing gender equality.  Women now are more aggressive and assertive in the social marketplace.  They are demanding for guys to chase them in order to get their fragile feminine egos stroked.  Media has responded to this demand by barraging society with romantic fluff seen in chick flicks and romance novels.

Unfortunately, increasingly more and more guys are falling into the trap.  Ironically, by giving what women say they want, a guy will become less attractive to women.  By being a spineless Nice Guy, he's surrendered his alphaness and straying from what made men attractive back in 50,000 BC.  Look around us.  We all know countless nice guys being stepped on, ignored and friendzoned.  At the same time, the players and assholes are the ones landing dates and getting laid.  This is not surprising since the traits of players and assholes are essentially the same traits of alpha males of yesteryears. 

Therefore, guys fail in courtship because they're trying to appeal to what women say they want, not what women truly and instinctively want.  It's a paradox to those who don't see the world through scientific lens, but crystal clear to those who do. 

In my next blog, I'll write very briefly what the optimum courtship strategy should be.

Three, two, one, OPEN!

Pop open the campaign!  This is the virgin post of the JSBachery Blog and celebration is in order!

I'm not going to get all deep and substantive on my first post.  I'll just say, the purpose of my writings on AsianFanatics.net has been to explore courtship from a purely scientific and evolutionary point-of-view.  I take particular delight in debunking nonsense courtship advice derived from superstition and chick flicks.  In doing so, to some, I've become the forum crank who tells everyone that Santa Clause doesn't exist.

I’ve started this blog because I'll be veering into a new direction. I’ve recently developed interest in the art of the pickup thanks to Neil Strauss' book The Game.  I’ve written piles on courtship on AsianFanatics.net and it’s getting boring and repetitive.  It’s time to explore new topics and find new social adventures.   I’ll talk more about this in the weeks ahead and reveal the need for this blog.

For now, I’ll stop talking so I can pick confetti from my hair.