Rethinking – Reading signs of interest

When I first started writing for AsianFanatics in July 2007, I had hoped my ideas would get challenged so that I would gain a deeper understanding of courtship.  To my surprise and chagrin, there has been little real debate aside from a few snide remarks from critics.  As such, without much quality discussion, my views on courtship haven’t changed much since I first appeared on the forum. 

That is, until now.  Now that I've studied PUA tactics, I'm finally beginning to rethink some of my strategies.  Although a vast majority of their theories and tactics are similar to mine, there are some contradictions and important things I've never thought of.  Since I have a week before the Stylelife Challenge, I want to discuss updates to the JSBach optimum courtship strategy over the next few blog entries. 

Let's start by reading Indicators of Interest. 

In the past, if a guy posted a "does she like me" question, I would immediately shoot it down and call him a retard.  I had thought this is a pointless question because you can never reach a definitive answer.  Not only is it pointless, it can also be dangerous because it can distract the guy from the optimum courtship strategy.  It’s like shooting free throws; your strategy should be the same regardless of the situation. 

On second thought, I think there is indeed limited appropriateness for asking a "does she like me" question.  A guy should ask when determining whether to escalate. 

When interacting with a girl, timing is everything.  Most girls aren't stable because she frequently stumbles over her own ego and indecision.  Just because she's willing to give her phone number now doesn’t mean she'll still agree thirty minutes later.  The right timing requires spotting signs that she's telegraphing.  Not only do interpreting these signs reveal doors of opportunity to escalate, it also prevents her from feeling rejected.  After all, if she's giving signs and you don't bite, she will perceive that as rejection.  When rejected, her ego will do stuff that you won’t like. 

Second, since timing is everything, most guys need a rough roadmap to gauge interest.  Unfortunately, most guys are horrible at determining whether a girl is interested.  She would swear that she's giving out signs, but he would also swear to not seeing any.  This is why the Indicator of Interest list on the Project JSBach Omnibus thread is so helpful

Of course, nobody knows whether anything spoken or gestured is a definitive sign of interest.  There are indeed dangers of relying on the list dogmatically.  But aside from mind-reading, that list is the next best (and only) thing we've got.  Anything that increases your chance of reading her intentions, even minutely and inexactly, will give you an edge in courtship. 

Granted, a lot of people (particularly girls) ask a "does he/she like me" question only to satisfy a curiosity.  If that's the case, then yes, I would continue to shoot you down.  But if you're asking so that you would know when to escalate, then it's a valid concern.