Never say never

The list below is from Neil Strauss' 11 Dating Commandments.

I especially love #11 because it says something I've always wanted to say, but could never find the right words.

I know I've said stuff like "NEVER confess" or "NEVER chase".  Of course, there's no such thing as "never".  I say it only to emphasize the stupidity of doing it under most conditions.  People do stupid, desperate things usually because their emotions are running out of control or they're getting courtship advise from chick-flicks or chick publications.

But there are very rare moments when it is appropriate to be a rule breaker.  Strauss is right: the only time to break a "rule" is only when you truly know why the rule exists and when the need to break is the only logical thing to do.

Neil Strauss' 11 Dating Commandments

1. Don't wait to approach her until she's alone.  Even if she likes you, her friends will soon drag her away.

2. Don't stare at her for more than three seconds before approaching.  Hesitate, and you'll either creep her out or psych yourself out.

3. Don't be afraid to approach just because there are men in the group.  Chances are she's with family, friends, or co-workers, not a love interest.

4. Don't open a conversation by apologizing.  Phrases like "Excuse me," "Pardon me," and "I'm sorry" make you sound like a beggar.

5. Don't hit on her or give her a generic compliment.  Instead, start a conversation with an entertaining anecdote or question, such as asking the group to suggest names for a three-legged cat or a store hat sells 1970's memorabilia.  Everyone loves to give an option.

6. Don't buy her a drink.  You shouldn't have to pay for her attention.

7. Don't touch or grab her right away.  If she touches you, say, with a smile, "Hey now, hands off the merchandise."

8. Don't lean in or hover over her.  Stand up straight and, if the music's too loud or she's seated, simply speak up.

9. Don't initially ask what her name is, what she does for a living or where she's from.  She's bored of talking about the same thing with every new guy she meets.

10. Don't focus all your attention on her when she's with other people.  If you win over her friends, you'll win her.

11. Don't be afraid to violate any of these guidelines once you understand them and why they exist.