Contemplating worth elsewhere

(Article #3 - An ongoing discussion on the downsides of the PUA community)

In my short time with Project Mayhem, I've discovered two types of guys. 

The first types are approach robots who can crank out approach after approach.  Although they get approach anxiety, they don't feel some grand philosophical opposition to what they're doing. 

The second types are contemplative types.  They think too much and represent people like me and a majority of guys.  These types are analytical and cynical.  They feel slimy or uneasy about what they're doing.  As such, he feels an unshakable discomfort during an approach that the girl detects, causing her to respond less favorably.

The phrase "approach robot" is not meant to be derogatory.  I wish I were one.  But no one should expect contemplative types to become an approach robot.  Personalities cannot be transplanted like human organs. 

Rather, for contemplative types to learn the game productively, he must never elevate sarging as a major activity.  Mystery invited his readers to go in-field four nights a week to practice his method.  Even if such a level of commitment is realistic, it is a grave mistake.  If guys derive his sense of worth and purpose on how women react to them, you will guarantee many people a life of misery. 

Instead, guys need to engage in activities that give him fulfillment and meaning.  Once he feels he’s a person of value, he will develop a natural “fuck it” mentality that works wonders in the cold approach.  Examples of value-building activities include going to church, returning to graduate school, engaging in charity work, planning some exotic vacation, etc.  I know this sounds like idealistic hokey-pokey crap.  But I’ve noticed people who are very successful with women are always involved in broad or grandiose activities like those.  They're not wasting time on video games or Facebook.

Furthermore, contemplative types need to stop worrying about “closing”.  Many PUA instructors ask students not to care about the results of an approach.  But, in the next breathe, he would emphasize the need to get a phone number, to kiss close, or whatever.  This is hypocritical and pressuring. 

I believe PUA students should purposely NOT close for the first few weeks of training.  He should just open a set, engage in minor chitchat and eject. 

Now that you know how I feel contemplative guys should learn pickup, in the next article, I will talk shit about professional PUAs. 

Damn lucky to be a guy

I'd like to interrupt my discussion on the downsides of the PUA community for a special announcement.

This weekend, I realized just how lucky I am to be a guy. 

Thanks to Facebook, I reconnected with a high school friend whom I haven't seen or heard from in almost a decade.  It's been about that long since I graduated from high school. 

She was in-town with her husband for some business convention.  While he attended the convention, she asked if I can grab desert with her and her children to burn off a few hours.  It seems, after college, she married and popped out three kids in rapid succession.  Such reproductive speed is pretty rare for Asian people. 

While we spent two hours together, I realized how a woman's life is pretty much over once they get married and have kids.  It was embarrassing seeing her trying to get three young kids to behave and not crawl under the table or make a mess.  Although she was pleasant and friendly to me, she was clearly a mature women.  There was nothing fun, energetic or youthful about her demeanor.  I found myself watching the clock, looking forward to leaving.

It's ironic that women are so eager to find "the one" and settle down when that occasion marks the end of their life.  Seriously.  They have nothing adventurous or new to look forward to. 

For us guys, we can still act stupid and have a retarded sense of humor, even if married with kids.  In fact, the only difference it seems between men and boys is the price of their toys.  Guys can, if they want, still screw around with girls.  There are guys in their 40s and even 50s attending PUA bootcamps.  Can you imagine women of that age still trying to meet cool people at clubs and bars?  That only happens in trashy romance novels, soap operas and Sex and the City. 

A few of my friends who are married still talk about banging other chicks -- and a few have either succumbed to that temptation or made an attempt.  My brother, who’s happily married, takes 5-6 trips to Asia alone on business.  I would not be surprised if he’s doing some extracurricular stuff there with hotties. 

As guys, we don't have to "grow up" and become boring.  We still can look forward to new adventures and encounters with new people.  And that is why I'm glad to born with a penis.  The next time you get rejected by a girl, have consolation knowing that in a decade, her life will likely be more depressing than yours. 

Overcoming a bad hand

(Article #2 - An ongoing discussion on the downsides of the PUA community)

PUAing has made my life more miserable and was one of many reasons why my recent trip to Asia sucked.  I know it’s odd hearing me say this after aggressively promoting Mystery Method and Project Mayhem.  I still believe in the method and the project.  I just have a problem with how the method is applied. 

The reason my life was more miserable was, I made the folly of allowing pickup to become a dominant issue in my life.  Nothing kills confidence and renders you more powerless than having your happiness and sense of accomplishment determined by how strangers react to you. 

I don't think I'm alone in saying that the PUA lifestyle is pretty depressing once you pass the initial hype.  On Stylelife forums (Neil Strauss' official forum), you'll find most PUA students are generally unhappy.  Most wind up quitting and, those who enjoy success, often return to their old selves.  This approaching stuff is not natural to most.  Even master PUAs often force themselves to approach (i.e., the Three Second Rule).  I believe people are unhappiest when they have to force themselves to maintain a certain lifestyle.

Mystery is the ultimate example of this "PUA depression".  Despite being the undisputed king of pickup, the guy is a fucking psychotic mess.  In Neil Strauss' book, Mystery was depicted as someone who can't get a girlfriend, who trashed his house in depression, who acted in strange belligerent ways, and who attempted suicide twice.  That's not exactly the glitzy life of a PUA many would want you to believe. 

The truth is, guys are most successful in courtship when genuinely happy-go-lucky and feeling a true sense of worth.  This creates a burning personal glow that naturally attracts girls and creates social opportunities.  When people “go sarging”, they normally lack such a natural glow.  So PUAs invent an artificial one through “inner game” tactics like positive self-talk, visualization methods, subliminal audio or loud upbeat music.  Most of these tactics are just phony-baloney crap. 

Most people turn to PUAing because, as someone in Project Mayhem put it, they feel they've been "dealt a bad hand".  This belief, whether the problem is real or imagined, is the inner demon that holds us back.  Unless the PUA overcomes these demons, all this pickup stuff is just a depressing short-term band-aid that doesn’t fix the long-term problem. 

In the next article, I will offer a suggestion on battling those demons with something more substantive than just campy PUA "inner game" tactics. 

Intro: The downsides to the PUA community

(Article #1 - An ongoing discussion on the downsides of the PUA community)

While in the Philippines last week, I hooked up with a girl I met on a previous trip and grabbed a bite at McDonalds with her and two of her female friends.  It was your classic three-set on a memorable Saturday evening just north of Manila. 

I don't mean to boast, but I was so fucking good in-set that, if I weren't me, I'd be jealous of me.  I could have said anything and they'd burst out in laughter or become hypnotized with interest.  I noticed other girls would steal repeated glances at me as if to wonder "who's that cool guy with these chicks?"  It's a shame I wasn't like this back in high school or college. 

I have PUA teachings to thank for part of my performance that night.  This stuff works.  No fucking doubt about it. 

So it'd probably surprise many of you, particularly my critics, for me to utter negative sentiments towards the PUA community (particularly its professionals).  Despite my spirited defense of the Mystery Method on Soompi, I'm not some fanatic who drank the Kool-Aid and dogmatically believes everything he reads.  There are indeed lots of PUA teachings that are crap, fanciful or harmful.

Over the next few days, I will share on this blog what I believe to be the downsides of the PUA community.  One reoccurring theme will be, PUA skills are vital for meeting people, but you have to fix your inner demons before you will succeed in courtship.  Slaying those demons is a long, arduous and frustrating journey of self-discovery that no quick fix promised by PUA professionals can shorten or circumvent.  In fact, their self-serving quick fixes can even hurt and make life more miserable.

With this introduction, let's begin...

Project Mayhem

Click here for information about joining our Facebook PUA lair Project Mayhem!

1 Month - PUA progress report and action items

I knew before the Project's opening that I'll be one of the slower ones learning PUA arts since, as a working professional, I have other life's priorities.  My goal was to get my feet wet, get into the habit of opening my mouth to strangers and becoming accustomed to acting despite approach anxiety.  I feel I've acheived that goal. 

After a month, I definitely feel decreased approach anxiety.  I'm less terrified of strangers. 

I am also beginning to see a catch-all opening strategy that would work in any situation.  It's the Bachery Day Game Strategy Card I talked about in my last blog entry.  I plug in two variables (type of girl and venue) and the card spits out an opener.  No more thinking.  No more hesitiating.  In pickup, thinking and hesitating are your enemies. 

For Month Two, here are my action items...

- Put together the Strategy Card.  Have 3-4 "catch all" openers and conversational routines and practise them over and over.  I will not use any other openers.  This will help methodically formulate the Strategy Card, to know what works and what needs to be discarded. 

- Buy accessories to peacock more.  I just bought a flashing LED necklace on Ebay.  I'll also look for other clothing to give myself more "attitude". 

- No more waiting until the weekend to perform my five approaches.  I should space them out, almost once a day, so that I'm constantly in the habit of approaching. 

- Upload pics onto my phone that can be used as conversational pieces.  Like a picture of a puppy and say I just got it.  Crap like that.  You can never be too prepared. 

- There are two free publications that talks about nightlife in the city.  I'll be reading it consistantly and, if anything good, try out Night Game. 

- This one is going to be controversial.  I'm thinking about smoking electronic, nicotine-free cigarettes.  Let's be honest here.  People who smoke look cooler.  Smokers also often stand around and socialize while smoking.  Of course, I don't want to die.  I read that the electronic ones aren't harmful or addictive.  You get the coolness without the cancer. 

The Day Game strategy card

I've realized my problem with approach anxiety during Day Game isn't the approach.  I don't mind Mystery's Three Second Rule.  Rather, it's about finding something natural to say in those three seconds, something that can sustain conversation.  Keep in mind, during Day Game, you can't get away with saying something canned and retarded (like you can with Night Game).  If you say something remotely unnatural, I've noticed the set would have that "why the fuck you talking to me" look. 

So I need to remove the thinking part out of the approach.  And I think I got it...

The image above is a blackjack strategy card.  In blackjack, the optimum strategy is mathematically proven.  You don't have to think.  In fact, you shouldn't think, or you might deviate from the optimum strategy.  You just play your hand based on whatever the strategy card says.  Granted, the house will still have an edge.  But you will reduce that edge with the strategy card. 

I need something similar in Day Game pickup.  I need a strategy card where, all I need to do is plug in two variables (girl type and venue), and the card will spit out an opener.  No thinking needed. 

From my early experience with the cold approach and in talking to my female coworkers, I think I have a workable model.  For example, here's the routine for a particular set of variables...

=======================

Variable #1 GIRL TYPE - Younger female
Variable #2 VENUE - Shopping center

[I look up from my cellphone]

Me: Hey, have you heard of a clothing store named Hollister?

HB: Yeah...

[Hollister is a store that all girls have heard of.  But it's not particularly common so it's possible that some guys have not heard of it.]

Me: What's so good about it?

[Open ended question, gets them talking]

HB: [whatever answer]

Me: My little cousin is in junior high school, right?, and she got her first "boyfriend".  So she's now more fashion conscious.  Well, I missed her birthday last month and need to give her a gift card.  So my sister says "Hollister" and I'm like what the heck is Hollister? So she tells me, it's just like Abercrombie and Fitch.  Hey, I know that.  So you think a Hollister gift card is OK for a 13 year old?

HB: [whatever answer]

Me: Are you sure about that?  Because I don't want to pay for clothes that are...uh...kinda slutty.

======================

Now, all I need to do is think up similar openers for other variables. 

GIRL TYPE variable - Older girls, Fobby girls, MILFs, hired guns, etc. 

VENUE variable - Coffeehouse, bookstore, laundromat, university library, bar, etc. 

For other variables, the conversation could be similar.  Instead of Hollister, maybe I talk about Bed Bath and Beyond.  Instead of my cousin getting her first boyfriend, maybe it's my sister getting engaged.

Once I can devise openers for other variables, I would have a strategy card where I no longer have to think for an opener.  And in pickup, thinking is the worst thing you can do.  It will be called JSBach's Day Game Strategy Card.  Yours for $49.99 plus tax.

Above the fray

The second week of Project Mayhem is coming to a close.  Although I'm still a PUA infant, I still want to share some early observations...

I work in a building with about 1,500 employees, 85% of them I'd never interact with, and most I'd never even seen. 

These days, every time I pass a strange face in the hallway, I would often say "hello" first.  It has nothing to do with being "more alpha".  Simply, it feels like the good, right and normal thing to do.  The in-field Project exercises are helping to slowly recondition my behavior for the better.

In the past, I would think (like most people) "well, if so-and-so doesn't say hi to me first, I won't say hi to her".  It's like waging a silent, egotistical battle where you don't say “hi” first for fear of being branded a social inferior.

Ironically, by saying "hi" first, I feel like the superior instead because I've risen above the fray of this irrational, stupid pettiness.

Lately, I've come to realize that, even with superb pick up skills, I'd probably still meet that special someone through conventional means (party, at work, friend of friend, etc).

That's not to say what Mystery teaches isn't valuable.  I think his teachings are highly useful and relevant in normal social situations.  Successfully approaching strangers in strange places is one the hardest social feats to perform.  We're evolutionally hardwired and socially conditioned against talking to strangers.

But once you master the cold approach, or at least gain some proficiency, normal social situations would become a breeze.  Just as, once you can do Calculus, Algebra becomes laughably easy.  If I can talk to some random person at the supermarket, I can surely talk to someone at a closed, invited social gathering like a birthday party.

Approach anxiety and the cold approach

The cold approach.  I don't fucking believe how hard it is. 

I am one of the least shy person you'll ever meet.  I'm the guy at a wedding shamelessly making a fool of himself on the karaoke machine.  At parties and typical social venues, I can seamlessly mingle with strangers (even very attractive girls).  You know all that courtship stuff I've written about over the past three years?  I've done it all.  I may not be a grandmaster, but I'm certainly much better than average. 

So it shouldn't make sense why cold approaching someone during Day Game would be so difficult.  As Project Mayhem kicks off, I realized just how different it is from a typical social gathering.  It's a whole new ball game. 

Approach anxiety is very real.  It makes absolutely no sense why guys would be so terrified of making random comments to a stranger.  It's just a passing comment, one that billions of people make every day.  The absolutely worse that can happen is, she responds indifferently and walks away. 

But the anxiety is there, like Mystery said, because of evolutionary programming.  The male brain is telling guys "don't do it, there's danger!"

I've noticed one reason for approach anxiety is psyching yourself out.  When you prepare to go "sarging" (the PUA slang for doing pickups), anxiety builds because you inadvertently make it a big deal.  The guy would take a shower, get dressed, fix his hair, drive to wherever, etc.  All that has a psyching affect, making the event more significant than it really is. 

I've also noticed one symptom of approach anxiety is finding excuses.  She's busy.  Not my type.  It's not the right time.  You will rationalize to yourself why you shouldn't do it. 

I know I'm new at this, but the feeling of choosing someone and approaching her in Day Game seems really weird.  Feels so predatory and loserish.  It shouldn't be weird because we talk to strangers all the time.  But it's different when you force it with ulterior motives.  The other party seems to have that "stranger danger" look in her eyes, as if saying "why the fuck you talkin' to me. " I feel creeped out myself. 

Needless to say, my first approaches didn't go too well.  I know it's only the first day, but I actually thought of quitting.  Maybe go back to regular courtship activities, those I'm already good at.  Relying on those activities will hinder the number of people I'll meet, but at least it feels safe and comfy gaming girls in normal social venues.

But fuck it, I am not going to quit.  I'm going to keep at it, through brute trial and error, until I'm the last person on Earth to be doing this. 

Certain unknowable intentions

Lately, I find myself thinking about pickups at the weirdest moments.  Sometimes on the toilet.  Sometimes on the freeway. 

This time, I thought about it while reading news of eight people murdered halfway around the world.  If you follow Asian news, you might know I'm referring to last week's killing of a busload of Hong Kong tourists in the Philippines. 

The shooting made me think of the Philippines, a country I've visited on two occasions.  Anyone who has been there knows that the female natives are very friendly to foreigners.  They are so easy to pickup, it's not even funny.  And if you have some game and patience, you can get laid almost as easily too. 

You might think then that the Philippines is a PUA's paradise.  It's not.  I'll tell you why...

Superficially, these women are indeed very friendly.  But get to know them a little deeper and their primordial claws come out.  Two-thirds of the time, after you’ve befriended them, they would shamelessly ask for money in one form or another.  They would ask for it blatantly, ask to borrow it, ask for gifts, or ask for you to take them on dinners and outings. 

It's just a matter of time before most of them do.  And why not?  They assume you, the foreigner, is loaded, horny, and ready to rescue some third-world damsel in distress.

I can't fault them.  They live in a destitute, decaying country screwed up in almost every possible way.  But there's also something shoddy about their domestic culture, one that encourages people, even middle class people, to beg for money.  Everybody does it and they see no shame in it.

So therein lies the dilemma for PUAs there.  When girls give you massive IOIs, are they interested in you or your wallet?  When she displays that “doggy dog bowl look”, is she for real or just trying to monetarize your affections?  Without knowing, it's virtually impossible to determine what you're doing right or wrong.  The micro-calibration process so central to the Mystery Method cannot be performed with accuracy.

If getting laid is your primary objective, of course you don't care what she’s after.  But I have a feeling most people study the Mystery Method to pursue something a little more genuine.

Thinking about pickups in the Philippines, I've gained more appreciation for human relationships at home.  Here, a girl who offers friendship is probably motivated by affection, not financial self-interest.  I don't need to look over my shoulders to check whether her hands are in my wallet.  Even if they’re harder to get in bed, people who are genuine are definitely more worth having. 

Gay guys and the proper PUA technique

Last night, I had an epiphany that I need to share with you.

I was having dinner at a restaurant where our waiter was clearly gay.  I mean, flamboyant gay.  Likeable, outspoken, funny -- the typical flamboyant gay dude.  You know what I mean.  If you don't, click here and watch this YouTube video.

If you've been around gay people in a party setting, you'd notice girls love hanging out with flamboyant gay guys. 

That's when it hit me. . . 

The reason girls love talking to them is because these guys behave almost EXACTLY like how PUAs approach women under the Mystery Method! 

From my latest series, I said girls are more likely talk to a male stranger if he displays these qualities:

- Sociable
- Funny
- Has attitude
- Not invested in the conversation
- Speaks openly
- Has NO AGENDA
- Talks "girl-friendly" topics

THESE ARE THE EXACT TRAITS OF FLAMBOYANT GAY GUYS!  Gay guys clearly have no agenda when talking to girls.  He doesn't impress them.  Rather, he speaks openly and flamboyantly on "girl-friendly" topics with that "fuck it" attitude. 

I know what some of you are thinking.  How can a girl be attracted to you if you act gay?

But remember, when first approaching a set, it has NOTHING to do with attraction.  You need to first get a conversation going.  If your set fails to grant you an audience, you’re done.  It's only once the conversation catches fire (the "hook point") is when you start to build romance. 

To moral of the story is, to get to the hook point, you need traits of flamboyant gay guys (minus the lisp, hand gestures and whiny tone).  There's something to learn from gay guys! 

Stickied: PROJECT MAYHEM OPEN FOR SIGNUPS!!

Please email me immediately at jsbachery@gmail.com if you wish to join.  We are a group of PUA students learning the art of the cold approach.

Here's how Project Mayhem generally works...

1. Every Monday, members decide on a weekly objective for himself

2. Each member attempts the objective in-field by approaching at least 5 sets

3. Each member files a report by next Monday.

4. Repeat for next week!  Each member decides for himself whether to repeat the objective or advance to something harder.  While you can go at your own pace, over time, you must demonstrate progress.

=================================

Project Mayhem Charter

The purpose of Project Mayhem is to motivate members to learn and practise PUA arts as taught by Mystery and Neil Strauss.

1. There are no teacher-student roles.  Everybody will be both.

2. Members agree on the basic tenets of the Mystery Method.

3. Everyone must complete at least five approaches each week or make a good faith attempt.

4. Each member determines his own weekly objectives.  While members can go at their own pace, they must demonstrate progress over time.

5. Members agree to submit a report from the weekly assignment in a timely and truthful manner.  Members are allowed to skip one week of filing every month as a "vacation".

6. Members are expected to remain positive, be helpful, and have a sense of humor!

7. Members understand not everyone will follow the identical technique and to respect each other's differences.

8. Members agree to be bounded by secrecy.  They are free to talk about their own experiences with outsiders.  But it is forbidden to identify someone else in the Project or share someone else's experiences with outsiders.

=================================

Admins

Initially, the admins of Project Mayhem are myself and two original members and creators of the lair. One is Cinder_Str (an AFer) and another guy (a non-AFer).

Admins are primarily to serve secretarial roles only. That is, to tally the reports to make sure people are attempting them. Admins are not PUA instructors and are not meant to be "bossy". They have to complete weekly assignments like everyone else. I think you'll find the atmosphere to be light, fun and uplifting.

=================================

This is what you'll need for Project Mayhem

- Facebook account (the lair is on Facebook). If you're obsessed with privacy like me, you should create a dummy account.

- Get clothing and accessories mentioned on Chapter 4 of my latest AF series.

- Start scouting "hot spots" where girls hang out in your area

- Prepare to devote up to one hour a week in-field. If you're in school, you can normally do it in conjunction with your normal daily routine (being in class, on campus, at the library, at work, etc).

- Read PUA writings by Mystery and Neil Strauss. If you don't want to buy their books, you should read my latest series. It contains everything you need for the first 6-8 weeks of the Project.

- Start creating a cheatsheet (please read Chapter 12 of my latest series)

Bach Recital: Time to let loose

(An ongoing series "15 Chapters - Fantastic First Impressions in the Cold Approach")

In today's recital, I want to talk about myself and to expand on the recent chapter on why girls choose to talk to someone. 

I learned a very lesson on sociability about three years ago during my sister's wedding. 

Before that event, most people would probably say I'm a bright and nice guy, but shy and lacking in confidence.  From when I was young until the end of high school, I didn't listen to "normal" music.  I played the piano and all I listened to was Mozart and Haydn.  Can you imagine? Some kid who spent most of his allowance on classical music CDs. 

You'd imagine people at a party would appreciate someone different like me.  Nope, nobody cared.  I sat in the corner introverted while the party centered around loud, brash and outgoing people, even if they were dumb and uncultured.  All that talk about how good it is to be "special" is just bullshit.  If you're different, be prepared to pay the price.

I noticed one thing throughout my life.  If you're pathetically alone in the corner, nobody comes to save you.  You'd imagine someone would be nice enough to say "hey, let's talk to that lonely quiet guy".  That almost never happens.  If you want something, you have to earn it, not expect others to give it out of charity.

Three years ago, my sister got hitched in San Francisco.  I decided to break out of my shell.  I guess I was getting older and had grown more confident as time wore on.  At the wedding, I acted very differently from before.  It was time to let loose. 

I learned some very important lessons during those days in San Francisco. 

First, you MUST MUST MUST initiate with people.  There is no fucking way around it.  At the wedding, I went up to strangers.  I've never done that before.  I don't know why not, because strangers almost always respond positively when approached.  Never believe when someone tells you it's OK to be shy and passive.  If you're a guy, being shy and passive is like being a corpse.  Many girls (particularly shy girls) may say she wants a shy guy, but that's a load of crap.  They're really secretly lusting after the outgoing football players or musicians. 

Second, to gain sociability, you have to be laidback and speak openly.  At the wedding, I would say whatever crap that came to mind.  I didn't care if I used some profanity or said moderately vulgar stuff.  I didn't care if people thought I was smart and sophisticated.  I've learned that trying to craft an image of intelligence and highness reeks of insecurity.  Once others perceive you as having confidence issues, they stay the hell away from you.  Non-confident people are creepy people. 

Lastly, you have to talk about things others enjoy talking about.  Nobody wants to talk about Mozart and Haydn.  They want to talk about Lady Gaga, Lindsey Lohan and other stupid junk.  They want to gossip about celebrities, rock music, who's hot and who's dating who.  It all seems so stupid.  But you either go with the flow or you stay silent on the corner. 

Let me tell you.  These three things made a huge difference in how others interacted with me during the wedding.  I became one of the centers of the party, not shyly on the edge where I had spent virtually all my life.  It was one of the turning points of my life.  The wedding had lots of white folks since my sister's husband (who's Vietnamese) is a bit of a banana.  At the wedding, this older white chick kept hitting on me.  And other white chick, much younger, found me on Facebook and initiated contact a year later.  Stuff like that didn't happen to me back in high school.

So there, I just taught you how to be sociable:

- Initiate
- Speak openly as if you don't give a fuck
- Talk about things people want to talk about

I still enjoy classical music.  I enjoy “intellectual” crap like politics and studying history.  But I keep it to myself.  Outwardly, I’m just a normal Joe who enjoys having fun and not being hung up on anything. 

Bach Recital: Wanting him in control

(An ongoing series "15 Chapters - Fantastic First Impressions in the Cold Approach")

I've posted controversial writings on AF before, but this one will take the cake.  Sensitive people should skip this post. 

At any bookstore, you'd see tons of trashy romance novels with a shirtless beefy man on the cover.  Most stories involve situations where a man overpowers a women, tears off her clothes, restrains her and makes passionate love while she offers token resistance before submitting willfully.  The guy is always a "take control" kinda guy, never some nice sensitive metrosexual dude.

Some of you think only redneck women read these novels right? Wrong.  55% of all paperbacks sold in North America are romance novels.  The average reader has a higher educational attainment than the general population.  Google the statistics yourself. 

Here's something else to consider: click here.

This article on Psychology Today's website discusses the results of a university survey on female sexual fantasies.  According to the article, 31-57% of women have fantasized about being "overpowered" by a man (also known as "rape fantasies").  Researchers think the percentage is higher since most women will not admit to having them.  Bear in mind, this website is produced by academic professionals, not a pack of perverted adolescents. 

I want to make it clear that I am NOT advocating physical assault.  Just because you fantasize about jumping off a building does not mean you want someone to push you off.  Fantasies are different from reality because they're always safe.  When a woman is overpowered in reality, she runs the risk of injury, death and pregnancy.  Nobody should "want it" or "deserve it" even if she has fantasized about it. 

I'm posting this to accompany my latest chapter on masculinity and high valueness.  The moral of the story is, most girls harbor a primordial and instinctual desire for men to "take control".  Don't be the "nice guy" who thinks he needs to respect her space.  It's OK to go for a kiss or put your arms around her.  Chances are good she has dreampt about a guy doing it.  All this feminist talk about wanting equality in romance is pure garbage.  She claims to want equality when people are around to listen.  But when she's alone in her fantasies, the scene looks entirely different. 

The Glossary

(An ongoing series "15 Chapters - Fantastic First Impressions in the Cold Approach")

Although I'll try to avoid PUA jargon, I'll need a small glossary to facilitiate understanding.

Day Game - Approaching people in venues not specifically designed for meeting strangers (such as bookstores, coffeehouses, malls, libraries, etc).  It does not necessarily have to occur during "daytime".  Also see Night Game.

DHV (Demonstrate Higher Value) - Action that shows social leadership skills and, hence, increases your social value.

DLV (Demonstrate Lower Value) - Action that shows lack of social leadership skills and, hence, decreases your social value.

Body Rocking - A physical posture that implies you're about to walk away

Mystery - Considered the greatest pickup artist alive and a PUA pioneer, his PUA method is the foundation upon which almost all other methods was built.

Neil Strauss - Also known as Style, his New York Times bestselling book exposed the PUA community.  He was voted PUA of the Year twice by his peers.

Night Game - Approaching people in venues specifically designed for meeting strangers (such as clubs, parties, weddings, etc.).

Obstacles - People in a set other than the target.  See Set and Target.

Set - A group of people hanging together (male or female).  For example, if there are four people in a group, it's called a "four set".  If she's alone, it's called a "one set" or "single set".

Social proof - The idea that a women will become more attracted to a guy because he is desired or accepted by other women.

Target - The girl you're fancying

CNN article on "Nice Guys" being last

Check out this interesting article on CNN titled Men ditch "nice guy" style, get more dates.

In my favorite part of the article, it mentioned how PUA guru Neil Strauss was once a hopeless "Nice Guy" who got stepped on:

"[Neil] was friends with a girl he liked.  He was painting her walls one time when she left to go on a date with another guy."

How many of you have done something similar?

Myth #10 - Being asked on a date means he really likes me

(An ongoing series "Ten Common Myths Girls Believe about Courtship")

This myth is uniquely Asian because non-Asians don't make a big fuss over dating. 

There is a reason why this is an Asian myth.  Most Asian parents are paranoid about young romances because they fear losing control of their children.  So they make up some bogus stuff about how it interferes with school.  The truth is, it doesn’t.  In fact, university students who are in romances usually get BETTER grades than those who are not.

In contrast, non-Asian parents see dating and courtship as something normal and even good.  In fact, your typical white parents will think you're some closet lesbian if you don't.  As such, non-Asians have more social experiences because they aren't so hung up over the D word. 

Since Asian parents forbid or discourage dating, it becomes a big deal to their children.  Not only that, but if people experience something less, it becomes a bigger deal than it really is.  It's like sex.  Those who don't (or rarely) have sex see it as something majorly important. 

What does this mean to you?  If a guy asks you for coffee or takes a friendly initiative, view it only as an OPPORTUNITY and nothing else.  It doesn't mean you’re the only one.  It doesn't mean he'll propose.  It only means a door has been unlocked.  Like all opportunities, it's up to you to turn the knob and prove your worth.  If you don't take a counter-initiative, the door will relock itself -- and you'll have no one to blame but yourself. 

The more you think courtship and dating is a big deal, the less likely you'll turn the knob.  Not only will this reduce your chances of landing a boyfriend, but if you date less, you will be less competant for the future in interacting with the opposite sex in a romantic context.  As I said in the previous article, guys and girls communicate and act very differently and it takes a long time to get good at relating.

You should also assume a guy who makes overtures to you also flirts and dates many other girls too, especially if he's high value.  So don't run to the forum asking "OMG, does he LYYYYKE ME"? Because the answer is probably "he's taking applications".  No, he's not being a player.  And no, he's not untrustworthy.  Trying out new clothes before buying is simply what people naturally do. 

Myth #9 - If you wait long enough, you'll meet "the one"

(An ongoing series "Ten Common Myths Girls Believe about Courtship")

Most girls believe getting "the perfect guy" is a matter of fate.  All she needs to do is wait.  And wait.  No need to rush.  No need to settle.  Plenty of fish and plenty of time, right?

I'll be blunt.  There is no such thing as "fate”.  That is just nonsense garbage and you know it.  You know that aggressive girls are far more likely to find boyfriends than shy girls.  If it were truly just a matter of “fate”, then shy girls and aggressive girls would have an equal chance.  That’s hardly the case. 

Relying on fate and fairy tales isn't just harmless fun.  The truth is, the longer you cling to such beliefs, the worst your chances in courtship.  Here is why:

Because a girl's social value is tied primarily to her appearance, her social value peaks in her early 20s.  It starts declining slightly throughout her mid 20s.  By her late 20s, it plummets like an elephant off a cliff.  By 30, it's pretty much game over.

That means, the longer she relies on fate in meeting that "perfect guy", the less likely she'll find him.  If you wait too long, your time in the social marketplace will expire.  Some of you don't seem to realize that you only live once.

Some of you think you can exercise and care for yourself to maintain a youthful appearance.  Trust me, if were that easy, no women will have an aged appearance.  Oil of Olay is no match for Father Time. 

Many of you in your teens may think "well, I'm still young and don't have to rush".  You’re right.  But here’s why you should start dating by your late teens (at the latest).  It takes a lifetime to get good at relating with guys.  The genders do think and act very differently.  So it's not like suddenly…BOOM!…you will get good once you graduate from university or whenever your parents finally approve.  You can read all the advice in Cosmo or self-help books.  But there is no substitute for experience and trial and error. 

I know traditional Asian parents will excoriate me for encouraging teenagers to date.  However, I'm not suggesting for 15-year-olds to find a hot and heavy relationship.  There's nothing wrong with 15-year-old girls starting to flirt and interacting with guys for casual courtship.  Trust me.  She and her parents will thank me someday.  Social education is just as important as academic education (and something you can get only while you’re young).

Myth #8 - Guys are very picky about a girl's appearance

(An ongoing series "Ten Common Myths Girls Believe about Courtship")

This myth is very incorrect. 

Take a straight guy to a crowded beach or mall and, within an hour, he will spot dozens of girls that he would find "doable".  Girls, on the other hand, are the ones who would find every imaginable flaw about any guy's appearance.  "Oh, he's too [tall, fat, short, bald, etc.]". 

The truth is, guys are extremely casual about a girl's appearance.  There's a reason for this, and discussing it will give me a chance to discuss another facet of courtship theory. 

Guys are more casual about a girl's appearance because "spreading his seeds" is a biological strategy.  As long as she meets his minimum physical criteria, he's programmed to want sex with as many of them as possible to maximize the chances of passing on his genetics.  That's why guys have few hang-ups paying for sex, going to strip clubs and maintaining a massive porn stash (whereas, almost no women would think of doing these things). 

Women, on the other hand, have a different biological strategy.  She cannot "spread her seeds" because, once impregnated, she is out of commission for nine months.  Furthermore, she is only fertile for about twenty years.  As such, her biological strategy is not to have voluminous sex but to find "the one" who will provide for her.  This is why girls are far pickier about guys.  She cannot afford to sleep around and get pregnant and have guys abandon her.  This is also why girls are far more offended than guys about infidelity and "players". 

What does this mean for you?  It means you must first meet his physical requirements.  We've already talked about that.  Unfortunately, because many girls will, you will have to compete within this set.  The good news is, once you're in the set, you don't need to be the most beautiful in the set.  You just need to respond to the four questions from Myth #2 better than your competitors.  I assure you your dad didn't choose your mom because she was a physical specimen of absolute feminine perfection.  He will choose someone less prettier if she demonstrates better social/maternal skills and isn't a constant pain-in-the-ass. 

Myth #7 - Guys don't like flirty aggressive girls

(An ongoing series "Ten Common Myths Girls Believe about Courtship")

This is a popular myth. 

From the previous article, we learned a guy is biologically programmed to seek reproductive value in women.  So why would guys be turned off by a female's flirtiness and aggressiveness?  If anything, this behavior would INCREASE her reproductive value.  Obviously, if a guy wants to reproduce, he wouldn't prefer shy withdrawn types (those lacking in sexual assertiveness).

Furthermore, from Myth #3, we learned playing hard-to-get is a horrible courtship strategy for girls.  Logically and conversely, that would mean playing easier-to-get is a good strategy.  Now, I'm not recommending for girls to be "easy".  There is still a need to retain a modicum of respectability and modesty.  Striking the right balance between being too easy and too difficult is, unfortunately, a topic that is beyond the scope of this series.

Even without the science, we can see why this myth is absurd.  Take two girls at a party, both of equal attractiveness.  Girl #1 is flirty, touchy and approaches guys.  Girl #2 is withdrawn, shy and doesn't initiate.  Which girl will attract more guys?  Which girl will end the night exchanging more phone numbers?

The answer is obvious.  If you think it's Girl #2, you must be of some alien race or never attended a party. 

Although I have never heard a guy agreeing with this myth, why is it so popular?  Two reasons:

First, many people believe in whatever idea justifies their behavior.  Shy girls want to believe guys like shy girls.  She doesn’t want to change (or can’t), so she clings to whatever wishful thinking that makes her content with her life.  To be fair, people of both genders do this.  Lots of crazy people harbor insane social, religious and political beliefs to justify their bizarre lifestyles, desires and actions. 

Second, this myth is perpetuated because girls are fearful of competition.  It's a way of telling competitors not to intrude. 

By the way, notice on the forum the shy and "old fashioned" types are the ones with the most courtship problems.  How come you never hear a girl say "I like flirting and initiating but can't find a boyfriend"?  Go search the forum and tell me if you find such a thread. 

#6 - Guys want intelligent and independent women

(An ongoing series "Ten Common Myths Girls Believe about Courtship")

This is going to be a long entry.  But read it carefully for it contains ABSOLUTE FACT about attraction that girls rarely hear (or want to hear).  It is going to be brutally honest. 

Many girls think guys prefer the "modern women".  You know, she's educated, independent and a man's equal.  This is a myth, and a very bad one. 

Look at personal ads.  Less than 1% of guys say they want women with high income.  Less than 10% say they want “highly educated” women.  Yet, if you read ads written by women, a majority will seek one of these two qualities (often both). 

Clearly, neither gender really wants equality.  "Equality" is just a happy-feel-good term that has no basis in reality.  The truth is, guys generally want a girl who's his inferior and a girl generally wants a guy who's her superior.

This social arrangement is not hard to understand if you dissect the science behind attraction and human evolution. 

Love exists for two things: survival and replication.  That's it.  There's no "magic" to it.  To be specific, guys want girls for their reproduction value.  That's why he's so concerned about a girl's youth and beauty.  These are reproductive qualities.  Girls want guys for their survival value.  That's why girls want popular and wealthy guys of high status.  These are survival qualities. 

Some of you are thinking why such primitive ideas are relevant in modern society.  That's because the human brain is designed for living in primitive hunter-gather societies.  It is only in the last 200 years that most people live in highly organized cities.  200 years is not enough time for the physics of the human brains to change.  As such, core human emotions and desires are functioning as if it is 2000 BC. 

If you go to a formal gathering such as a wedding or the prom, you'll see this "primitive" dynamic in action.  Guys are dressed in fancy suits.  Suits imply status.  This reveals his survival value.  Girls are dressed in flirty dresses where you can see her boobs.  This reveals her reproductive value.  Even on most real dates, you'll see guys who are well-dressed while girls wear short miniskirts.  Duh. 

What does this mean for you? Of course, it means you must improve your appearance.  We talked about this already. 

It also means you cannot aim to be a man's "equal".  He wants submissiveness because submission is a reproductive value.  She submits to him and tends to his domestic needs (such as child rearing, raising the family, cooking, etc.).  I know some of you who harbor feminist-leanings don't want to hear this.  But this is a social fact and no amount of wishful thinking will trump evolutionary forces. 

As such, you should not try to "outsmart" him or be more popular.  If you are, fine.  But stressing it will scientifically hurt your chances in courtship.  Instead, you must appeal to his need for submission.  You should see him as a leader and a protector.  Ask him for help on homework.  Or call him to tell him you're scared about something.  It will trigger his instinctual need for submission and make attraction more likely. 

Myth #5 - Guys will choose "bros before hos"

(An ongoing series "Ten Common Myths Girls Believe about Courtship")

This is really one of the dumbest myths out there. 

There is no reason why a guy has to choose between a guy friend or a girl.  Guys rarely violate another guy's territory, something many guys call "The Guy Code".  That code not only demands other guys respect their territory, it also demands guys not snitch on other guys if he cheats, goes to a strip bar, visits a prostitute, etc. 

Notice girls don't have a "Girl Code".  Two girls can be "BFF" one day, and the next day, will rip each other's eyes out for a guy.  Clearly, there is far less drama in guy-guy friendships than for girl-girl friendships. 

There's another reason why guys don't fight over girls the same way girls fight each other for a guy.  Most girls desire popular guys, something I call the "Popularity Principle".  Because of the Popularity Principle, it sets up frequent social situations where girls will need to compete with a friend over a particular guy.  That's why 80% of the time, if a girl ends a friendship with another, it's because of a guy. 

There is no such thing as "Popularity Principle" for guys.  If a guy finds you unattractive, it doesn't matter how popular you become, he'll still think you're unattractive.  Guys seek beauty first, and beauty is common enough so that guys don't need to battle each other. 

In rare cases where a guy truly has to choose, guess what? HE WILL VERLY LIKELY CHOOSE THE GIRL.  History has shown that guys will even choose a girl over his own family.  Love exists for survival and replication.  Girls provide those needs for a guy far more than a male buddy. 

Many guys may say "bros before hos" to remind each another of the Guy Code.  It's just a saying.  Don't take it literally. 

12 JSBach Commandments for Guys

I've just placed an animated GIF in the signature of my AF posts with these 12 JSBach Commandments:

1. Do not chase, be "too easy" or be "too available".  Girls are repulsed by the usual "nice guy" routine.

2. Never confess first. She won't suddenly become attracted simply because you confessed.  Be patient and play the game instead.

3. Do not talk on eggshells.  It's OK to say blunt, unpredictable and outrageous things.  No girl wants try-hards who tries impressing her with being proper or perfect.

4. Be fearless in saying NO or disagreeing or walking away.  If you have no backbone, a girl will not be interested.

5. Do not lean in when speaking.  It is a sign of neediness -- and neediness is a trait of low value guys.

6. Often be the first to end the conversation, and end it when it's still going strong, not when it begins to drag.

7. Ask her out early in the friendship.  Make it casual, not some "hot date".  Wait too long and your invitation will seem awkward, pressuring and creepy.

8. Initiate touching ASAP.  Escalate to romantic touching such as long cuddles and cheek pecking.

9. Tease her relentlessly.  They love being teased and "play fighting".  You should aim to be a bratty older brother.

10. Have a life, especially with other girls.  Girls want guys who are wanted by other girls.  Popularity and ability to stir jealousy are your biggest assets.

11. Flirt/date with as many girls as possible.  Play the numbers game or don't play at all.

12. Remember PASSION = HOPE + DOUBT.  Be inconsistant and make her confused.  Show interest while casting doubts whether it is genuine or if it will last.

***BREAK ANY COMMANDMENT ONLY IF YOU TRULY UNDERSTAND WHY IT EXISTS AND WHY THE PROS OF BREAKING IT OUTWEIGHTS THE CONS***

Myth #4 - Being rude gets a guy's attention

(An ongoing series "Ten Common Myths Girls Believe about Courtship")

Many girls wanting a guy's attention will treat him poorly.  Remember back in kindergarten when a girl throws sand at a boy she likes?  Many girls still do it when grown -- except she does it in more sophisticated way.  It's easy to understand why.  She wants a guy's attention.  But she doesn't want to be friendly because it entails possibility of rejection.  So she acts rudely instead.  After all, getting his attention by throwing sand entails less risk than drawing him a Valentine. 

There's another reason girls do this.  It's what pickup artists call a "shit test".  She wants him to prove himself and see what kind of crazy obstacles he's willing to climb. 

For these two reasons, many girls adopt an approach to courtship that involves unfriendly behavior such as not returning his text messages, flaking on a date, being rude, etc.  They think it works.  This is a myth. 

This article is a continuation of the previous.  In the last article, I introduced the Confidence Principle and why playing "hard to get" is a horrible idea.  In this article, we go further with the "Fuck It" Principle. 

Most guys will readily accept the fact he needs to initiate, take risks and endure resistant or negative treatment from you.  It's part of being a guy in the courtship game. 

But like everything, there is a limit to what a person can tolerate.  If he feels you're being excessive, you risk offending his ego and his sense of fair play.  This is when a "Wall of Weirdness" descends.  This wall exists when there is a battle of egos.  Once erected, someone has to surrender.  If he feels you're not playing fair, he won't surrender.  And if you don't either, the game is over for both parties.  Is this what you call successful courtship? 

Rather, successful courtship involves cooperation on your part and ensuring the Wall of Weirdness doesn’t get built to begin with.  The best way to win a war is not to start one.  When he initiates -- you either reciprocate or escalate.  And sometimes, you initiate too.  Like training a dog, you reward good behavior and punish bad ones.  That is how you condition the other party to do what you want.  If he's playing nice and you punish him, you may trigger the "Fuck It" principle.  He's going to wonder why he needs to put up with this shit when so many other girls are around.

Going back to an earlier point, most girls put up a "shit test" to test how much a guy likes her.  Keep in mind that, the higher his social value, the less tolerance he'll have.  These are the guys who have options.  So ironically, the guys worth having are least likely to pass your "shit test".  Those who pass are low value guys, those without options, who will continue to chase and endure and chase some more.  Unsurprisingly, this is why bitchy girls often end up with losers, sex fiends, wife beaters and rednecks. 

Myth #3 - Playing hard-to-get will make him pursue me

(An ongoing series "Ten Common Myths Girls Believe about Courtship")

This is a common myth.  A girl erects obstacles thinking it will drive a guy nuts and make him more likely to pursue.  People want something when it's hard to get, right?  Heck, even JSBach says so!  He advises guys to "be a challenge" to pique a girl's interest.

Here's where you've made a logical error.  Courtship strategies that work for guys do not necessarily work for girls, and vice versa.  Because men and women have different roles in society, evolution has carved different strategies and needs for the two genders.

The truth is YES, if he's interested, making it hard for him will likely make him even more interested.  It's human nature to desire the unattainable.

But here's why you shouldn't do it.  People are also more likely to take a risk when they feel a greater likelihood of success.  This is an economic law.  As such, the more obstacles you place, the more risk he feels, the less likelihood he’ll pursue you.  That's why most guys don't randomly approach girls on the street.  Even though he has nothing to lose, he knows there is dim chance of success.  Not to mention, nobody enjoys rejection, no matter how playerish or carefree he is. 

This is what I call the Confidence Principle, a dynamic can be represented mathematically by something like this:

P = i(c^2)

Whereas...

P = Likelihood he'll pursue you
i = His interest in you
c = His confidence that his risk will be rewarded

This means, while his interest is important, his confidence is far more important.  If you play mind and jealousy games, yeah, he might be more interested.  But if he feels fear and never takes action, you will never know.  Nothing will happen unless YOU pursue him, which I know most of you are reluctant to do.  Trust me.  If you’re the type brave enough to ask guys out, you wouldn’t be single or need to follow my writings.

Every guy has been in love with a girl but never had the guts to do anything about it.  And she doesn't have the guts either.  This is what I call Junior High School romance.  It's when a guy and girl like each other but nothing happens and nobody knows.  If you're OK with nothing happening and never knowing, go ahead with the obstacles.

Please remember this Confidence Principle.  It will be repeated throughout this series.

Corey Haim, the 80s and JSBachism

I'll post the next article in the Myth series tomorrow or the next night. 

Yesterday, 80s film actor Corey Haim died of drug overdose.  I was barely out of diapers when he was active in film.  But I'm a fan of 80s culture and have seen his work on DVD. 

Throughout the 80s, there were countless great films about high school, first loves and teen angst.  Corey starred in what I believe to be the best of these films: Lucas.  I saw it about ten years ago and it's a movie I still vividly remember.  I don't think there's a straight guy who couldn't relate to the movie.  It also contained a bit of JSBachism. 

Lucas is about a likeable but geeky kid named Lucas who, over one summer, met a pretty older girl named Maggie who just moved into town.  During that summer, the two hung out and developed a deep friendship.  Unbeknownst to her, he began to develop feelings for her. 

Eventually, summer ended and the two returned to school.  Because Maggie was pretty, she eventually found new friends amongst the "in" crowd and became a cheerleader.  Lucas hung with the nerdy crowd instead and was subjected to hazing and bullying.  As time wore on, their social paths diverged. 

Soon, Maggie befriended a popular football player named Cappie.  Cappie was a nice guy and was also a friend to Lucas.  Cappie and Maggie eventually got closer and more romantic until one night, they shared a kiss during some encounter.  Unknown to them, Lucas witnessed the kiss from a distance. 

In desperation, Lucas decided to act.  He decided the only way to win her is by joining the football team -- even though he was not athletic and wholly undersized. 

I'm not going to give the movie away.  But you should really watch it.  Very sad and tragic, but also sweet and uplifting.  The DVD will likely be hard to find or rent, but I think your effort would be well-rewarded. 

The reason JSBachism is involved is because of what Lucas said at one point in the film.  It was a confessional scene between Lucas and Maggie.  I forgot the exact words, but he said how nerdy outcasts like him would always lose the girl because she is biologically programmed to seek the strongest male for her own survival and for the survival of the species.  That same statement could have been printed on this blog.  He was a smart kid who thought scientifically. 

Of course, his assessment was right -- but only for high school where high-value girls prefer jockish guys.  But when university comes around, it will be the nerdy guy's turn.  That’s because, at that stage, girls begin wising up and realize that physical strength or athleticism doesn’t necessarily make a guy “the strongest”.  Social skills, education, money and other factors are far more important in determining who is “strongest”. 

I know some of you who follow my writings are in high school.  Let me assure you.  High school will be the lamest, shallowest and dumbest place you'll ever experience.  Just tolerate it.  In the mean time, devote to learning great social skills and PUA tactics in preparation of university life.  I promise brighter days are ahead. 

Myth #2 - Guys are complicated

(An ongoing series "Ten Common Myths Girls Believe about Courtship")

Most girls think guys are complicated.  They spend countless eternities asking themselves "what do guys want?" or "what is he thinking?"

What a waste of time.  The truth is, when it comes to love and romance, guys are as straight-forward and simple as single-celled bacteria.

There's a reason why guys are simple.  A guy's brain is more logical and stable than a girl's.  There are scientific reasons for this -- but it's beyond this article's scope for me to prove.  Rather, I'll just invite you to read AF's relationship forum.  Notice guys are rarely "confused" or ask "do I like her?"  Guys are less likely to believe in nonsense like astrology, palm reading, fate, destiny, magic spells or other superstitious dribble.

It's clear guys are more logical and don't suffer from a diarrhea of emotions, uncertainty, fickleness and hormones as girls do.

Because guys are simple, it's easy to figure out his intent.  If he constantly makes REPEATED and SUSTAINED efforts to get your attention and be around you, he's likely interested.  If he doesn't, he doesn't.  It's really that simple.  Really.

So what do guys want?  Clearly, his first concern is physical standards.  If you don't pass, you don't play.  It is in your overwhelming interest to improve your appearance and dress.

If you do pass, he'll ponder these four questions:

- Is she sweet/feminine/nice enough?
- Do I have a shot?
- Is she worth the hassle?
- Is someone else better?

Everything else is a non-factor.  Any guy who says he needs to put school first or that his parents disapprove is full of shit.  Unless the guy is of super high value, he's not going to care about your money, if you come from a good family, if you have a good education or whatever.

Therefore...

- If he never showed interest, you failed his physical standards.
- If he showed it but lost it, you failed one or more of those four questions

So the bottom line is, if he's interested and you give him the opportunity, reason and encouragement, he will follow through 99% of the time.  If it's complicated, it's because you made it complicated.

Myth #1 - Love is blind

(An ongoing series "Ten Common Myths Girls Believe about Courtship")

Lots of girls think love is "blind" or "random".  And why not?  They would see a mismatched couple where one person is wayyyy more attractive than the other.  Love must be blind.

NOT.

The truth is, love is HIGHLY predictable.  Love is predictable because there is a natural order to courtship.  To make a long story short, people of near-equal value will end up together.  High-value guys will wind up with high-value girls, low-value guys will end up with low-value girls.  You won't see a "hot" guy with a cool clubbing lifestyle paired with an unattractive girl.  You won't see a "hot" model girl paired with a high school dropout frying chickens at KFC.  If love is "blind" or "random", you would commonly see these types of couples.

The reason you may see a "mismatched" couple is, a guy's value is harder to see.  A girl's social value is tied to her beauty, age and sexuality.  That's easy to see.  But a guy's social value is tied to his status, popularity and social skills.  That's much harder to see.  You might think "why is that hot babe with that short ugly guy".  Well, maybe that short ugly guy is a drummer in a band, drives a Mercedes and has an exciting social life (which makes him of high social value).

There is a simple reason why people of equal value end up with each other.  It's the social marketplace at work.  If there is a mis-match, the higher value person will feel shortchanged and his/her eyes will wander.  This causes the relationship to be unstable.  The lower value person will feel insecure, cling and do psycho things.  This also causes the relationship to be unstable.  These folks will continue to fail in relationships until they're matched with someone of near-equal value.

Mathmatically, you can represent this dynamic with the following equation:

I = abs(M-F) or I = |M-F|

Whereas:

I = instability
M = value of the guy
F = value of the girl

Hence, the greater the difference in social value, the greater the instability.

What does this mean to you?  That means, if you want a high-value guy, you need to raise your value.  This series will teach you how (don't expect miracles though).  Don't think you can cheat the social marketplace and end up with a "hot" guy when you're not equally hot.  That could happen, but is very unlikely.  The social marketplace tends to ensure you get what you deserve, not what you want.

Mystery's New Book

Wow, it's been about three months since the last entry.  Don't worry, I have not abandoned this blog or the Stylelife Challenge.

During these last few months, I bought a new house.  Since I live hundreds of miles from my parents and relatives, most of the work was done by myself.  Let me warn you.  Buying a house is one of the most labor-intensive and stressful activities you'll ever do.

Thankfully, the light is at the end of the tunnel.  You don't believe how much I'm looking forward to getting life back to normal and devoting to this blog again.  About another week and most of the work will be done.

But enough about me.  You're not here to read about my non-courtship activities.

About a month ago, I bought and read Mystery's new book called The Pickup Artist (what an original title).  A fantastic read!  His previous book, The Mystery Method, was very analytical and filled with humorless charts, diagrams and jargon.  It was like reading a Calculus textbook.

The Pickup Artist reads more like a novel/narrative, similar to Neil Strauss' The Game.  In his new book, Mystery tells a story about teaching a new student named Adam.  Through telling this story, Mystery reveals his theories, tips and technique.  I wouldn't say this book offers anything particularly new or insightful compared to The Mystery Method.  But the material is definitely presented in a much readable fashion.

My only complaint is that Mystery focuses his techniques solely for clubbing and bar environments.  In fact, in this book, he explicitly discourages guys from "day game" which he considers a waste of time.  This is a major flaw as most guys, I'd bet, would prefer non-club situations, especially when starting out.  This is why Neil Strauss, in my opinion, still offers a better, more relevant strategy.  Strauss is much more of a "day game" kinda guy.

Link to The Pickup Artist on Amazon