(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")
In article four, we learned the importance of popularity and the ability to provoke jealousy. Here are some tips on what you can do to leverage this knowledge. Keep in mind, this is for the pre-dating period...
- Don't admit you've never had a girlfriend or that you haven't had one in a long time. If cornered to answer, make up an imaginary ex-girlfriend.
- If available, your Facebook should contain photos of you in a party setting with friends. If you don't have any, consider taking photos the next time you're in such a setting.
- Your interests on Facebook should speak of things like karaoking, partying, road-trips, etc. Avoid mentioning solitary activities like surfing the web or playing video games.
- At a social setting, make sure you talk to other people. In your target's presence, don't be afraid to flirt a bit with other girls (even your target's sister or friends). Just don't go overboard, as if you're doing it on purpose.
- I know most guys prefer a one-on-one date with a girl. But if she brings friends, it is actually a fantastic opportunity to gain social proof and provoke jealousy. Make sure you're also friendly with her friends on the outing. Afterwards, ask your target "so, what does Jane think about me?" You'll have an INSTANT jealousy plot.
- If you're going to be on Facebook for a long time, turn off your chat feature. You don't want your target to see you on the internet for hours. The same for MSN and Yahoo Messenger.
- Most of the time, don't say you didn't do anything over the weekend, especially on holiday weekends. “I hung out with some friends” is a good generic answer.
- Do not "burn your bridges" or let friendships die with female friends and acquaintances. Use them to build social proof for other girls. You will need as much female friends and acquaintances possible, especially attractive ones.
- To increase the number of people responding to your Facebook posts, make sure you liberally respond to other's posts. People tend to respond to yours if you respond to theirs.
- You need at least 100 friends on Facebook, preferably over 200. As pathetic as this sounds (and I've done it), you can find Facebook groups where people friend each other randomly just to inflate their friend count. I did it when I first starting using Facebook.
- However, do not have more than 500 friends on Facebook. It shows you're an internet geek.
- If you're in college or university, join a fraternity. Trust me on this one.
- Wear an interesting piece of accessory (necklace or bracelet). If a girl asks you where you got it, say your ex-girlfriend bought it for you.
- Don’t say that you hate clubs, clubbing or clubbers.
- On occasion, if she calls, tell her that you're hanging out with some friends right now (even if you're not) and if you can call her back some other time.
- In a group of friends that include your target, you should sometimes ignore your target and pretend to be engrossed with interacting with others.
- Let her catch you looking at another girl.
- If you play lots and lots of Facebook games (like Farmville or Bejeweled), don't let it show on your wall and don't let it advertise on other people's wall.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Mistake #4 - Not playing the field
(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")
Many people read my articles and other PUA/courtship materials wanting to know how to win over (or win back) a particular person. They believe somewhere in the deepest annuls of the Internet is a piece of wisdom that offers the key to unlocking her heart.
They're wasting their time.
With some variations, the best way to become more attractive to women have already been discovered. While it will make you more attractive in general, it will not necessarily make you more attractive to any given person. It's impossible to know any girl's unique tastes and vulnerabilities to formula a courtship strategy for that particular individual.
If you obsess over one person (what PUAs call "oneitis"), you will have a miserable social life. If you cannot stomach the fact that you probably won't wind up with your first choice, you should go home now. Rarely in life do we get our first choice of anything. So you better play the field and cast a big net.
Just as bad as oneitis is the belief that you can attract a girl by demonstrating you're a one-women man. In her presence, you might purposely ignore, avoid or reduce friendliness with other girls. Isn't that what girls want? Don't they want someone to make them feel secure, that you only have eyes for her?
WRONG!
Remember, girls are biologically attracted to social leaders. And popularity is the ultimate indication of social leader. In fact, your popularity and ability to provoke jealousy is your greatest asset in courtship -- more important than your looks, money, education, or anything you can think of. Many girls may not even know she's interested in you unless or until she feels jealous.
Having your social value raised through popularity is what PUAs call "social proof". The following factors determine your social proof...
- The number of people around you
- The number of girls around you
- The attractiveness of your companions
- How much your companions seem to like you
Simply put, girls want guys who are wanted by other girls (especially wanted by attractive girls).
To leverage this dynamic, you need to give the impression that your life is full of friends, girls, dates, music, parties, clubbing, roadtrips and other social activities. You must give this impression by what you say, what you do, what you wear, who you hang with, what you post on Facebook, etc. Lie or exaggerate a little if you must. Just make sure you sound credible and not bragging.
If she feels you have high social proof and you can make her jealous, you're 80% there. If you act like a "one woman" kinda guy, it will actually lower your social value. This is one of many ironic aspects of courtship where girls say they want one thing, but actually desire another.
DLV - Showing that you're a one-women man
DHV - Being popular, particularly with the ladies, and able to provoke jealousy
Many people read my articles and other PUA/courtship materials wanting to know how to win over (or win back) a particular person. They believe somewhere in the deepest annuls of the Internet is a piece of wisdom that offers the key to unlocking her heart. They're wasting their time.
With some variations, the best way to become more attractive to women have already been discovered. While it will make you more attractive in general, it will not necessarily make you more attractive to any given person. It's impossible to know any girl's unique tastes and vulnerabilities to formula a courtship strategy for that particular individual.
If you obsess over one person (what PUAs call "oneitis"), you will have a miserable social life. If you cannot stomach the fact that you probably won't wind up with your first choice, you should go home now. Rarely in life do we get our first choice of anything. So you better play the field and cast a big net.
Just as bad as oneitis is the belief that you can attract a girl by demonstrating you're a one-women man. In her presence, you might purposely ignore, avoid or reduce friendliness with other girls. Isn't that what girls want? Don't they want someone to make them feel secure, that you only have eyes for her?
WRONG!
Remember, girls are biologically attracted to social leaders. And popularity is the ultimate indication of social leader. In fact, your popularity and ability to provoke jealousy is your greatest asset in courtship -- more important than your looks, money, education, or anything you can think of. Many girls may not even know she's interested in you unless or until she feels jealous.
Having your social value raised through popularity is what PUAs call "social proof". The following factors determine your social proof...
- The number of people around you
- The number of girls around you
- The attractiveness of your companions
- How much your companions seem to like you
Simply put, girls want guys who are wanted by other girls (especially wanted by attractive girls).
To leverage this dynamic, you need to give the impression that your life is full of friends, girls, dates, music, parties, clubbing, roadtrips and other social activities. You must give this impression by what you say, what you do, what you wear, who you hang with, what you post on Facebook, etc. Lie or exaggerate a little if you must. Just make sure you sound credible and not bragging.
If she feels you have high social proof and you can make her jealous, you're 80% there. If you act like a "one woman" kinda guy, it will actually lower your social value. This is one of many ironic aspects of courtship where girls say they want one thing, but actually desire another.
DLV - Showing that you're a one-women man
DHV - Being popular, particularly with the ladies, and able to provoke jealousy
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Mistake #3 - Expecting her to initiate
(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")
I know a lot of you younger guys want girls to come to you, perhaps for your good looks, your ripping muscles or your sense of humor. Who wouldn't want to be approached, to have a feeling of power?
If that's your expectation though, you will have a shitty time with women for the rest of your life. Humans are biologically programmed to expect men to be leaders and women to be followers. As such, girls can get away with not taking social initiative, but NOT GUYS. You will have nothing in life worth having (whether in courtship, business, education, etc.) if you expect the other person to approach first.
The truth is, girls do not develop emotional attraction for a guy based on appearances alone. The reason is simple. Girls want social leaders, and social leaders are hard to detect visually. Ugly guys can be social leaders (like Bill Gates); good looking guys can work the graveshift shift at Burger King. Her primodal brain knows that, which is why apperances are not of utmost concern (as it is for guys).
You must rely NOT on your appearance to get her to come to you, but on demonstrating leadership skills by going to her.
There is something extremely attractive to girls about guys who takes charge. If you wait or allow her to approach first, you lose a vital opportunity to show leadership skills at the get-go. You might be thrilled that she initiated something. But in reality, you've already given her a negative first impression. Any other acts of "Nice Guy-ness" on your part will feed on that initial impression ("ah, I knew right away he's a wuss").
By the way, if a girl initiates a date, I think you'd find most of the time, she wants something ulterior (help on homework? a ride to work? a free lunch?). If she’s emotionally invested, she is unlikely to do something that bold for fear of having her fragile ego deflated.
Don't believe most girls who claim to prefer shy types. Perhaps the unattractive girls will (they have no choice). But not the decent ones, and certainly not the attractive ones. Even shy girls are fantasizing about outgoing guys.
So this is how it works:
- A girl determines whether a guy has social leadership skills
- Based on that, she determines if a guy is physically attractive
Yes, that means her visual perception is based mostly on non-physical cues. That's why girls can find ugly, freakish-looking Korean stars to be "hot". Most of these "hot" guys, before acquiring fame, would not even get a second glance from girls on the streets.
Lastly, understand the difference between taking initiative and chasing. Taking initiative simply means showing interest first. Chasing means you initiate repeatedly despite resistance or indifference. The best approach to initiating is one where you show interest, but in a non-pressuring and slightly indifferent way (not in a desperate, fixated way). We'll take more about the distinction between the two in the chapters ahead.
DLV - Waiting, expecting the girl to make the first move
DHV - Making the first move and taking charge
I know a lot of you younger guys want girls to come to you, perhaps for your good looks, your ripping muscles or your sense of humor. Who wouldn't want to be approached, to have a feeling of power?If that's your expectation though, you will have a shitty time with women for the rest of your life. Humans are biologically programmed to expect men to be leaders and women to be followers. As such, girls can get away with not taking social initiative, but NOT GUYS. You will have nothing in life worth having (whether in courtship, business, education, etc.) if you expect the other person to approach first.
The truth is, girls do not develop emotional attraction for a guy based on appearances alone. The reason is simple. Girls want social leaders, and social leaders are hard to detect visually. Ugly guys can be social leaders (like Bill Gates); good looking guys can work the graveshift shift at Burger King. Her primodal brain knows that, which is why apperances are not of utmost concern (as it is for guys).
You must rely NOT on your appearance to get her to come to you, but on demonstrating leadership skills by going to her.
There is something extremely attractive to girls about guys who takes charge. If you wait or allow her to approach first, you lose a vital opportunity to show leadership skills at the get-go. You might be thrilled that she initiated something. But in reality, you've already given her a negative first impression. Any other acts of "Nice Guy-ness" on your part will feed on that initial impression ("ah, I knew right away he's a wuss").
By the way, if a girl initiates a date, I think you'd find most of the time, she wants something ulterior (help on homework? a ride to work? a free lunch?). If she’s emotionally invested, she is unlikely to do something that bold for fear of having her fragile ego deflated.
Don't believe most girls who claim to prefer shy types. Perhaps the unattractive girls will (they have no choice). But not the decent ones, and certainly not the attractive ones. Even shy girls are fantasizing about outgoing guys.
So this is how it works:
- A girl determines whether a guy has social leadership skills
- Based on that, she determines if a guy is physically attractive
Yes, that means her visual perception is based mostly on non-physical cues. That's why girls can find ugly, freakish-looking Korean stars to be "hot". Most of these "hot" guys, before acquiring fame, would not even get a second glance from girls on the streets.
Lastly, understand the difference between taking initiative and chasing. Taking initiative simply means showing interest first. Chasing means you initiate repeatedly despite resistance or indifference. The best approach to initiating is one where you show interest, but in a non-pressuring and slightly indifferent way (not in a desperate, fixated way). We'll take more about the distinction between the two in the chapters ahead.
DLV - Waiting, expecting the girl to make the first move
DHV - Making the first move and taking charge
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Mistake #2 - Chasing
(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")
Chasing is defined as persistent attempts by the guy to overcome a girl's indifference or resistance.
Conventional wisdom says you have to chase, but it is a horrible strategy. One reason why was revealed in the previous chapter. A chaser is almost always a Mr Nice Guy using Mr Nice Guy tactics. But there's another reason why chasing is a bad idea...
When a guy chases, he demonstrates unconditional interest even though she has done nothing to deserve it. And that's the problem. People don't value something easy-to-get. Easy guys are the epitome of low valueness. People inherently value something if they felt they had to earn it. Let's say you were awarded Employee of the Month for working your ass off. You'd probably appreciate the award more than if you were selected simply because you're Asian (and the company needed to demonstrate "diversity").
The same concept holds true in the psychology of courtship. Yes, you should initiate interest. But unless she performs her share, you don't pursue it relentlessly. Do not keep calling, flirting, giving gifts, texting or messaging her Facebook. You must step back and let her come to you. If she doesn't, then you need to work on being more attractive, which will be discussed in the rest of this series, or seek pastures elsewhere. The more you chase, the lower value she'll perceive of you.
By showing interest and then backing off, you're doing what many PUAs call a "takeaway". A takeaway means, you stop or reduce giving attention or affection so she'd miss it and work on earning it back. She won't miss something that's always there unconditionally.
Needing to be earned is one major sign of a high value guy. She would think "wow, this must be a high value guy because I had to pursue him!" There's an interesting, reinforcing and ironic circle here. The more she has to chase, the higher value she'll think of you. And the higher value she'd think of you, the more likely she'd chase. Interesting, don't you agree?!
Most girls will say this won't work ("I don't chase guys"). That's a bunch of crap. Girls will chase, but only if you give them a reason. This is especially true in the modern context where girls are more aggressive than ever.
Ultimately, you'd find courtship is like running after a butterfly with a net. If you do, it will flutter away in fear. But if you sit there and be attractive, it might just float onto your shoulders when you'd least expect it.
DLV - Chasing (giving your affection for free)
DHV - Requiring her to earn your affection
Chasing is defined as persistent attempts by the guy to overcome a girl's indifference or resistance.
Conventional wisdom says you have to chase, but it is a horrible strategy. One reason why was revealed in the previous chapter. A chaser is almost always a Mr Nice Guy using Mr Nice Guy tactics. But there's another reason why chasing is a bad idea... When a guy chases, he demonstrates unconditional interest even though she has done nothing to deserve it. And that's the problem. People don't value something easy-to-get. Easy guys are the epitome of low valueness. People inherently value something if they felt they had to earn it. Let's say you were awarded Employee of the Month for working your ass off. You'd probably appreciate the award more than if you were selected simply because you're Asian (and the company needed to demonstrate "diversity").
The same concept holds true in the psychology of courtship. Yes, you should initiate interest. But unless she performs her share, you don't pursue it relentlessly. Do not keep calling, flirting, giving gifts, texting or messaging her Facebook. You must step back and let her come to you. If she doesn't, then you need to work on being more attractive, which will be discussed in the rest of this series, or seek pastures elsewhere. The more you chase, the lower value she'll perceive of you.
By showing interest and then backing off, you're doing what many PUAs call a "takeaway". A takeaway means, you stop or reduce giving attention or affection so she'd miss it and work on earning it back. She won't miss something that's always there unconditionally.
Needing to be earned is one major sign of a high value guy. She would think "wow, this must be a high value guy because I had to pursue him!" There's an interesting, reinforcing and ironic circle here. The more she has to chase, the higher value she'll think of you. And the higher value she'd think of you, the more likely she'd chase. Interesting, don't you agree?!
Most girls will say this won't work ("I don't chase guys"). That's a bunch of crap. Girls will chase, but only if you give them a reason. This is especially true in the modern context where girls are more aggressive than ever.
Ultimately, you'd find courtship is like running after a butterfly with a net. If you do, it will flutter away in fear. But if you sit there and be attractive, it might just float onto your shoulders when you'd least expect it.
DLV - Chasing (giving your affection for free)
DHV - Requiring her to earn your affection
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Supplemental - 25 examples of a Mr Nice Guy
(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")
We talked about the Nice Guy routine in the last chapter and I gave a few examples. Here are 25 more examples of a Nice Guy.
There are for the pre-dating stage. If you're not even dating yet and you do these things, you're surely headed for the friendzone.
1. You tell her, your friends or yourself that you don't think of her in a sexual way because you "respect her too much".
2. You tell her that you're "different" from other guys.
3. For her birthday, you spend more than 5 minutes thinking what to get her.
4. When you're with her, you purposely reduce friendliness to other girls to show you're not a player.
5. When you see nobody responded to her Facebook post, you feel compelled to respond so she won't feel bad.
6. You say "I don't care, what do YOU wanna do?"
7. You tell her that you want to know more about her.
8. You text, Facebook her or drop her a card telling you're thinking of her or saying hi "just because".
9. More than 20% of your texts contain smiley faces.
10. You talk about feminine things that she enjoys talking about.
11. You check your cellphone to ensure none of her text are ignored, even the spam ones.
12. When conversation ends, she's almost always the one who ends it first.
13. You tell her that seeing her makes your day brighter.
14. You've never refuse to answer any of her personal questions.
15. She saw you crying. Nuff said (you pussy).
16. You never (or rarely) reject her initiation to hang out or chat.
17. She's 30 minutes late, yet, you still wait.
18. You ask for a hug.
19. You try learning about her ex-boyfriends so that you will know how to win her.
20. You lean towards her when seated face-to-face.
21. You dread saying the wrong thing to her and feeling that you've just ruined your chances.
22. Out-of-the-blue, you say she’s cute.
23. She can't walk by without you acknowledging her in some way.
24. You tell her that you'll always be there to chat, "no matter what".
25. You do favors for her, even when she doesn't do them for you.
Further reasons why many of these examples are bad for courtship will be discussed in future articles of this series.
We talked about the Nice Guy routine in the last chapter and I gave a few examples. Here are 25 more examples of a Nice Guy.
There are for the pre-dating stage. If you're not even dating yet and you do these things, you're surely headed for the friendzone.
1. You tell her, your friends or yourself that you don't think of her in a sexual way because you "respect her too much".
2. You tell her that you're "different" from other guys.
3. For her birthday, you spend more than 5 minutes thinking what to get her.
4. When you're with her, you purposely reduce friendliness to other girls to show you're not a player.
5. When you see nobody responded to her Facebook post, you feel compelled to respond so she won't feel bad.
6. You say "I don't care, what do YOU wanna do?"
7. You tell her that you want to know more about her.
8. You text, Facebook her or drop her a card telling you're thinking of her or saying hi "just because".
9. More than 20% of your texts contain smiley faces.
10. You talk about feminine things that she enjoys talking about.
11. You check your cellphone to ensure none of her text are ignored, even the spam ones.
12. When conversation ends, she's almost always the one who ends it first.
13. You tell her that seeing her makes your day brighter.
14. You've never refuse to answer any of her personal questions.
15. She saw you crying. Nuff said (you pussy).
16. You never (or rarely) reject her initiation to hang out or chat.
17. She's 30 minutes late, yet, you still wait.
18. You ask for a hug.
19. You try learning about her ex-boyfriends so that you will know how to win her.
20. You lean towards her when seated face-to-face.
21. You dread saying the wrong thing to her and feeling that you've just ruined your chances.
22. Out-of-the-blue, you say she’s cute.
23. She can't walk by without you acknowledging her in some way.
24. You tell her that you'll always be there to chat, "no matter what".
25. You do favors for her, even when she doesn't do them for you.
Further reasons why many of these examples are bad for courtship will be discussed in future articles of this series.
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