There's many areas in courtship where you face rejection:
- Approaching the girl
- Making suggestive remarks
- Asking for a phone number or Facebook
- Touching
- Asking for a date
You need to do them all. There's no way you'll get anywhere in courtship (and in life) if you don't gamble and risk fucking things up. Girls can get away with it. But society deems men to be leaders and initiators -- traits that the female brain is programmed to seek. You have to man up, grow a pair of balls and stop thinking you can land her without risk (or worst, that she will somehow come to you).
You also need to take risks early. You cannot wait for that "big moment" to touch or ask her out. If you do it early, it will almost seem trivial, as if it's just a normal part of your alpha personality. This makes it likelier for her to accept your advances. If you wait too long to make a move, it will look creepy, pressuring and abrupt.
Lastly, if you're rejected, do not assume it's game over. There are a myraid of reasons why she refused your advances. You'd find that many times, she "rejects" you only because she was shellshocked. Once she thinks it through, she might come around. So in facing "rejection", just try again later. Maybe give 3-4 chances before quitting. Even if you truly get rejected, it's better to have the band-aid pulled off immediately than slowly.
Some of you fear being aggressive and screwing things up. "She's the conservative type" or "girls like taking it slow". That's bullshit. Even conservative shy types fantacize about being suddenly swept off her feet. The truth is, if a girl rejects you for asserting yourself (within reason), you probably never had a chance to begin with.
Of course, there's such a thing as being too aggressive.
- You're too aggressive if you're trying to force a resolution or to overcome persistant resistance.
- You're too passive if, when you ask yourself "when was the last time I took a real risk with her?" and the answer is "never", "rarely" or "it's been a while".
I know this is a dumb analogy, but it's like walking a dog. The dog is too aggressive if you feel constantly pulled from the leash. The dog is too passive if the leash is always slack. It's best to sometimes feel a bit of a tug.
The bottom line is, girls are attracted to guys who take risk and initiative. This has been an overarching theme of this series.
Of course, there's good and bad timing to risk-taking. One way to determine good timing is when you spot IOIs (indicators of interest). Here are a few types of IOIs (a fuller list will appear as a supplemental to this article). . .
Strong IOIs:
- She touches you repeatedly
- She suggests to hang out sometime
- She asks or volunteers her phone number
Weak IOIs (but IOIs nevertheless):
- She preens her clothing or hair
- She's inquisitive about your past
- When the conversation drags, she tries to prolong it
- She laughs at your stupid jokes
If you spot several IOIs, particularly strong IOIs, it's your sign to make a move. She's practically begging you! If you don't, don't be surprised if she loses interest. In addition to having her ego bruised, she will feel you've failed to demonstrate social leadership, which makes her less attracted.
Even if you don't spot any IOIs, you still need to roll the dice and take a gamble -- although you'll probably need to take smaller risks and be more subtle.
DLV: Not taking a risk
DHV: Taking bold risks and doing it early
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