Friday, September 2, 2011

Mistake #11 - Displaying poor body language

(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")

Even if you know what to say to improve your courtship odds, all that becomes irrelevant if you display poor body language.  For example, I advocated not letting a girl know you've fallen for her.  But if your body language shows that you have, then all your efforts will be in vain.  People infer a great deal from body language.  There are studies that show 90% of your personality is conveyed nonverbally. 

First, let's look at your eyes.  We talked a bit about this in Article #6 to achieve a "romantic frame".  But I want to go one step further and use eye contact to express general alphaness. 

Your eyes are a dead giveaway if you're insecure, nervous or untrustworthy.  You mustn't be afraid of looking someone in the eye when you speak (while glancing away momentarily for relief).  You might think this is obvious, but I encounter people everyday who can't do that.  I walk pass strangers in the halls at work and many would suddenly look downwards or away.  When they do, I'd always feel a sense of alphaness over them. 

Also, watch for shifty eyes.  If you’re talking to more than one person, don’t shift your eyes when looking at each person.  Move your head towards them instead. 

The same about eye contact can be said for that cute stranger at a party.  As long as you're not staring like a predator, your willingness to look will establish your dominance immediately.  The trick is to look while having a slight, innocent smile on your face.  Ideally, if eye contact is made, she's the one who looks away first. 

Forget any notion that girls don't want to be "checked out".  Girls don't obsess over their appearance because they don't want someone to look -- as long as you're not doing in a perverted way (i.e, looking at their breasts). 

The worst thing to do is suddenly darting your eyes away if eye contact is established.  If she sees you doing that, you've demonstrated that you're a creepy stalker because she knows you've been checking her out but you're terrified of being discovered.  I know averting your eyes is often an involuntary response.  If you do it, just look back at her immediately. 

Second, let's look at your posture. 

Many guys make the mistake of leaning into the girl when talking.  Unfortunately, this conveys eagerness and fixation.  The more you seem invested in her, especially when she hasn't earned you yet, the more beta you appear. 

Instead of leaning in, stand straight or even lean slightly back.  When seated, you must lean slightly away (but not slouching).  If you do a good job interacting with her, you'd often find that she begins to lean towards you instead.  Do not wrap your arms around yourself or fold your arms.  The more space you take up, the more alpha you seem.  Do not fidget with your hands or make unnecessary movements.  The person who moves least is perceived as having more social value.  The only exception is making minor hand gestures to accentuate something you’ve said. 

The good news is, displaying proper eye and body language is simple.  You just need to be conscious of it.  I know this sounds gay, but you want to have a "glow" about yourself.  You display this glow with your eyes, a slight smile and proper posture.  You want to tell others nonverbally that you fucking own the place and you just got laid. 

The next time you interact with a girl, I want you to mentally recite this sentence to yourself: "I OWN THIS FUCKING LITTLE SLUT".  You might be surprised how you're suddenly less nervous and how your body responds as if it believes what you've said. 

DLV: Poor body language
DHV: Confident body language

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