Most guys fear being too aggressive and scaring off the girl. So he doesn't present himself as a potential boyfriend until there's a closer friendship. So he waits and waits for that elusive "best timing". Unfortunately, this prudent path is also a likely path to the friendzone. The act of waiting and hesitating makes him look beta, not a take-action kinda guy typical of a social leader. This is why many girls who might initially be attracted to a guy would suddenly lose interest. She's not being fickle. She simply failed to see leadership qualities.
We'll talk more about risk-taking in the final chapter of this series. For now, we need to understand that you need to implant the thought into her head quickly that you're interested in more than friendship. Many girls, particularly brainy Asian ones, are so socially dense that they will not see you as a potential boyfriend unless you convey your intentions.
There are three ways to convey your intentions, something the PUA community calls "creating a romantic frame".
First, you can frame with what you say. Here are a few sample passing comments you can make, in a joking manner, that conveys your intentions.
- "See ya at 10:00. Just to be sure, I'm not gonna make out with you"
- "I think my mom would approve of you. She hated my last girlfriend. "
- "Just to let you know, I don't kiss on the first date".
- "Someday, you'll have to choose between me or your cat".
- "That's rude! You and I are sooooo getting a divorce".
It's OK to be bold as long as you say it in a light-hearted, funny, teasing way. You want to confuse her a bit, making her wonder if you were perhaps being 10% serious. This advice goes perfect with the previous article on teasing.
Second, you can frame with your eyes. Try looking at her in a slightly lingering way...perhaps a second or two longer than required. Or if she looks away, you continue looking at her so that when she looks back, she'll see you were looking.
Eye contact is really powerful stuff. We'll talk more about it in Chapter 11.
Third, you can frame with touching (or kino). Kino is huge and deserves it's own chapter. For now, just know that you need to escalate physically. During those first interactions, tap on her shoulder or the lower part of her arm to stress a point or if something funny is being said. Once a friendship builds, try touching more frequently. It should go from touching to side-hugging to frontal-hugging to kissing on the cheeks to even more advanced and daring kino. Slowly venture deeper until you sense some resistance.
Not only is kino a great way to build intimacy, it also allows you to judge how she sees you. Does she welcome your kino? Does she reciprocates or even escalates? Or does she wince away? If she winces away, do not assume this to be rejection. It only signals where she's drawing the line at the moment. It's probably worth reattempting later. If she repeatedly winces away at basic kino, it's not a good sign.
In all three framing strategies, you're doing something ordinary friends don't do. As such, it implants the necessary thought in her head that you could be more than just friends.
DLV: Friends first
DHV: Suggesting early that you can be more than just friends
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