Mistake #1 - Being constantly too nice and too available

(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")

It's a common theme in chick flicks.  The guy showers the girl with attention.  He is "always there", even in the pouring rain without an umbrella.  He focuses only on her.  He will return her call or text within 90 seconds, guaranteed.  They met not too long ago but he's already treating her like a girlfriend. 

At first, she shows disinterest, even resistance.  But eventually, he wins her over -- proving that persistance pays off, right?

B-U-L-L-S-H---T!

Rule #1 - Forget everything you've learned about love in movies and TV dramas.  If you want to read fairy tales, I suggest you exit this series and hop down to the Children's section of your local bookstore. 

I started this thread with this "mistake" because I believe it's the #1 reason why Asian guys fail in courtship.  About half of the other "mistakes" revealed in this series will be somehow related to this one. 

The reason this behavior leads to courtship failure is straight-forward.  Girls are biologically programmed to seek and mate with social leaders.  Social leaders do not kiss ass.  They have better shit to do than always "being there" and returning all your calls.  Altruism may get you into the seminary, but it will not get you laid.  A man doesn't become a real estate mogul, a 4-star general or a powerful senator because he constantly elevates other people's feelings and interests above his own.  Sadly, to succeed in this world, sometimes you just got to be an asshole and look out for yourself.  Her subconscious knows that -- which is why, ironically, if you're a "nice guy", you signal to her that you won't be successful. 

When you're "too nice", she will see you more of a plutonic buddy than a romantic interest.  If you overdo it, she'll likely lose all respect for you and become annoyed (like swatting off a pesky little brother).  You have to learn that a girl can never become attracted to you if she doesn't respect you.  An integral part of earning respect is saying NO, standing up for yourself and not be some chickenshit kiss-ass. 

The moral of the story is, quit the Nice Guy routine and be your own imperfect man, even if means you don't do or say the most perfect, attentive things.  The rest of this series will teach how. 

Playing the Mr Nice Guy routine may make her initally attracted to you, especially the less-attractive girls who aren't used to the attention.  But her feeling will likely fade fast.  She might even hate herself for not being attracted.  "Why don't I like him?" Don't blame her.  She's just doing what she's biologically programmed to do.  You can't blame her for that, just as you cannot blame her for having a vagina. 

DLV - Being too nice constantly and predictably
DHV - Sometimes being indifferent, disinterested or even a bit of an asshole

Preface to rebooted series on AF

(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")

As a preface to the upcoming rebooted series on AF ("Twelve common things..."), I'd like to state a brief theory on attraction before beginning to make the 12 chapters easier to understand.

A brief theory of courtship

Women are biologically programmed througn eons of evolution to seek one thing: the survival of herself and her offsprings.  Naturally, no endeavor can be more important. 

The best way to promote her survival is to mate with a man of high social value -- guys who are popular, has high social standing and wealth.  Logically, such a guy can better promote a women's survival than someone who's shunned, anti-social and poor. 

As such, a guy will improve his chances of attracting a girl if he displays high social value through...

- Speech
- Behavior
- Body language
- Social patterns
- Clothing
- Physical appearance
- Material possessions

When she sees high social value traits in you, her brain automatically equates "you" with "survival", and chemicals gets released making her physically and emotionally desire you.  It doesn't matter if your assets are real of if you're a total poser.  As long as she sees those traits and believes it's real, it will produce an involuntary attraction as programmed heretically. 

The funny thing is, in courtship, it's better for you to be of low social value but display high value traits than to be of high social value but display low value traits.  Of course, you want both (and people usally have both or neither).  But in courtship, if you had to choose, you should choose to have the traits rather than the actual value. 

So attracting girls is simple, somewhat.  You want to do things that demonstrate higher value (DHV) and avoid the things that demonstrate lower value (DLV).  You want to give the impression that hooking up with you will boost her chances of survival.  Yes, it's all an illusion.  The man who can best produce that illusion, whether his assets are real or fake, will be the more successful man in courtship. 

With that, let's begin...

What happened to Project Mayhem?

As I put together the charter for a new project, one tentatively named Project Magellan, I want to say a few words about Project Mayhem.  When I market the new project, I'm sure a few will wonder what happened to the old.

Project Mayhem was fully active for about eight weeks.  In that time, about 35-40 people were in it with almost two-thirds filing required Field Reports (FRs) weekly.  Not only was I an admin for the Project, I was also in charge of maintaining a tally to check who was submitting their FRs.

About seven weeks into the Project, I took a trip to Asia and wasn’t able to log onto Facebook to maintain the FR tally.  Upon returning, I discovered only 8-9 people filed their FRs in my absence.  In other words, when nobody kept score, a vast majority didn't do it.

That led me to rethink the Project.  I concluded only a few people in the Project were hardcore, natural PUAs.  The rest (like me) joined to learn the cold approach but weren’t naturals.  Once nobody was walking around with a clipboard, they stopped approaching.  I suspect most members hated approaching because it was being forced under threat of expulsion, not the fun pleasurable activity it’s supposed to be.

It seems there needs to be a "softer" approach, once that focuses less on opening, and more on making members happier and more fulfilled.  That is the intended philosophy behind Project Magellan.  It’s meant to be a “holistic” approach to improving our social lives.

I do not consider Project Mayhem a failure.  There are really good guys in it and, for the brief time it was active, the camaraderie exceeded my wildest expectations.  But I believe most were downright naïve in thinking we can just go out and become approach robots and not have it become a draining, stressful and negative influence on our emotional health.  Ironically, placing so much focus on pursuing sex and women, the point of being a PUA, is also the very thing that leads to misery.

I would have preferred to modify Project Mayhem instead of creating a new project.  But I didn’t think the survivors of Project Mayhem, those who are hardcore types, would go along with my softcore approach.