Mistake #16 - Not expressing sexuality (Part 1)

(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")

OK, I'm going to cheat on this series.  I know I've already posted all twelve "mistakes".  But there is no way I can let this series end without a more thorough discussion of touching (or kinoing).  I need to include kinoing because I believe this is the second biggest reason why Asian guys fail in courtship. 

Due to cultural norms, Asians are taught to be sexually passive and that sex is something to be done only after marriage.  Asian culture clearly doesn't celebrate sex as much as, say, black or Hispanic culture.  So whereas virtually all black and Latino guys have gotten laid by 16, most Asian guys haven't even landed their first girlfriend yet. 

Most Asian guys think Asian girls want their bodies respected and that displays of sexuality is an inappropriate perversion.  That is not how most girls think. 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19085605

I will like to show Exhibit #1 (see above link).  This article discusses an anonymous survey of 350 female college students.  It reveals two-thirds of them admitted to having "rape fantasies".  The researchers believe this number is higher but most girls won't admit it (even anonymously) due to religious, political or social beliefs. 

This isn't some sophomoric survey done by Playboy or Maxim magazine but an academic research conducted by the Department of Psychology at the University of North Texas. 

Now, I want to make it clear that I'm not advocating physical assault.  Surely nobody likes physical pain and bodily harm.  I just want to point out why women have these fantasies. 

They're turned on by these fantasies not because of the sex or violence but because men are depicted as bold, dominating and physically assertive.  Not surprisingly, trashy romance novels almost always depict near-rape situations for the heroine. 

Interestingly, the reason girls have "rape fantasies" instead of "sex fantasies" is, it implies the girl first needs to resist the man.  Society pressures women against being slutty -- so she puts up resistance so others wouldn't think of her that way.  Her resistance gives her what PUAs call "plausible deniability", meaning she now has an alibi.  With resistance, she's technically not a slut, so she can grant herself permission to want and enjoy sex. 

Now that we've learned that your expressions of sexuality are actually desirable to girls, I'll talk about what to do with this knowledge in the next chapter.