Mistake #16 - Not expressing sexuality (Part 2)

(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")

In the last chapter, I revealed a hidden truth amongst most women: they are also horny and attracted to physically assertive guys while pretending that they don't.  Even without the academic research I referenced, this should be obvious.  Go to an online sex store like Adam & Eve and you'll see over 500 models of vibrators and dildos.  There are way more sex toys for women than men. 

The good news for most guys is, they don't need to have a super hot body to generate sexual desire from women.  Women are less visual and more emotional, which is why they watch porn less and read trashy romance novels more. 

So what does these insights mean for you during courtship?  First, it means it's OK for you to have sexual desires because she has them too (sometimes more than you).  Don't be a pussy and think "oh I need to respect her body and not think of her as a sex object".  That’s just idiotic feminist crap.  Trust me, girls want to be seen as sex objects.  They don't spend infinite money on clothes, cosmetics and dieting so that guys would want them for their personality. 

Second, it means you must express those sexual desires through physical assertiveness.  When you first meet a girl, you need to get a bit touchy immediately (and I literally mean "immediately").  Perhaps touch her arm to stress a point or if something funny is said.  While there is nothing sexual about that, it sets an expectation that you're "that sort of guy".  This makes eventual and gradual physical escalation less awkward. 

Here's the progression of kinoing...

- Touch her arm
- One arm side hug
- Friendly frontal hug
- Touch her back or shoulder as you open door for her
- Deep frontal hug (here's where it begins getting sexual)
- Peck on cheek
- Real kiss on cheek
- Hand holding
- Nibble on ear/neck
- Kiss on lips
- (use your imagination)

Of course, don't try to mount her on the first date and be wary of her limitations.  If she says NO, then it's NO.  I'm not going to be responsible if you get arrested.  The kino rule of thumb is this: go slowly but daringly while ensuring there is progress over time.  If she resists, don't take it personally and try again later.  Token resistance is expected as part of her Anti-Slut Defense (ASD).  If she still resists or resist harder after another attempt, that's where you draw the line for now. 

Even when girls genuinely reject your physical advances, they will rarely slap you or disassociate with you entirely.  If anything, they tend to respect you more, especially if you brush off her rejection and pretend it didn't happen.  As mentioned earlier in the series, if she rejects you as a boyfriend outright because you escalated physically (within reason), you probably never had a chance to begin with. 

Younger girls would probably truthfully say they don't have sexual urges.  That's because they’ve never had sex.  Once they do, most will change their minds.  Besides, even these "sexless" girls will confess that they enjoy romantic hugging and kissing, which comes from that same physical desire. 

Unfortunately, there's a comparatively greater chance that an Asian girl might get offended over kino, even low-level kinoing.  Due to repressive Asian upbringing, some are truly repulsed by sex and it's not just an ASD reaction.  If that happens, consider it a good thing.  If she goes ape shit over something natural and vital to humanity's survival, maybe this uptight sexless girl isn't such a hot prospect after all. 

DLV: Not making physical contact
DHV: Kinoing immediately and gradually escalating

Mistake #16 - Not expressing sexuality (Part 1)

(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")

OK, I'm going to cheat on this series.  I know I've already posted all twelve "mistakes".  But there is no way I can let this series end without a more thorough discussion of touching (or kinoing).  I need to include kinoing because I believe this is the second biggest reason why Asian guys fail in courtship. 

Due to cultural norms, Asians are taught to be sexually passive and that sex is something to be done only after marriage.  Asian culture clearly doesn't celebrate sex as much as, say, black or Hispanic culture.  So whereas virtually all black and Latino guys have gotten laid by 16, most Asian guys haven't even landed their first girlfriend yet. 

Most Asian guys think Asian girls want their bodies respected and that displays of sexuality is an inappropriate perversion.  That is not how most girls think. 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19085605

I will like to show Exhibit #1 (see above link).  This article discusses an anonymous survey of 350 female college students.  It reveals two-thirds of them admitted to having "rape fantasies".  The researchers believe this number is higher but most girls won't admit it (even anonymously) due to religious, political or social beliefs. 

This isn't some sophomoric survey done by Playboy or Maxim magazine but an academic research conducted by the Department of Psychology at the University of North Texas. 

Now, I want to make it clear that I'm not advocating physical assault.  Surely nobody likes physical pain and bodily harm.  I just want to point out why women have these fantasies. 

They're turned on by these fantasies not because of the sex or violence but because men are depicted as bold, dominating and physically assertive.  Not surprisingly, trashy romance novels almost always depict near-rape situations for the heroine. 

Interestingly, the reason girls have "rape fantasies" instead of "sex fantasies" is, it implies the girl first needs to resist the man.  Society pressures women against being slutty -- so she puts up resistance so others wouldn't think of her that way.  Her resistance gives her what PUAs call "plausible deniability", meaning she now has an alibi.  With resistance, she's technically not a slut, so she can grant herself permission to want and enjoy sex. 

Now that we've learned that your expressions of sexuality are actually desirable to girls, I'll talk about what to do with this knowledge in the next chapter.