(An ongoing series on AF: "Twelve common things guys do to screw up with girls")
In the last article, we learned the need to avoid acting gentlemanly and proper. Girls (and most folks in general) want to hang out with fun laidback people. People who act gentlemanly are seen as uptight or desperate to prove his worth.
As such, here are some advice on how to act less gentlemanly...
- Do not always say please and thank you. For example, instead of begging her to do something ("can you please get that pen for me"), command her in a friendly tone ("hey, get that pen?"). And there's no need to always thank her afterwards, especially with repeated "thanks" or "that's so sweet of you". Be a man and just accept the favor without compensating her with formality.
- Do not apologize if you haven't done anything wrong. Or worse, don't apologize when you don't know what you've done. For example, "I'm sorry, but what did I do wrong?" That's just pussy behavior. Of course, this doesn't including saying sorry if something bad happened ("I’m sorry your grandma died") since "sorry" in this context is just a gesture of sympathy.
- Do not jump to agree. I know if you find something in common, it's instinctual to quickly exploit it to build togetherness. But don't. The fact that you want to build togetherness at all is a beta move.
- Resist the urge to say something really sweet like "seeing you made my day brighter" or "I thought of you last night". Don't be such a sissy fucking homo. Ask your female friends what phrases a guy can say to "melt a girl's heart". Those are the phrases to avoid.
- Do not “become her”. What I mean is, if she’s into Korean dramas, you don’t also start watching them to become more like her. If she’s majoring in Italian, you don’t start learning Italian phrases. What you’re doing is imitating and that’s what subordinates do (like a little brother mimicking his big brother).
- You should not respond to her every text, call or Facebook post.
- You do not need to acknowledge every time she passes by. Sometimes, don't say anything at all. The same with goodbyes.
- Watch how you greet people. Don't say, "it's a pleasure to meet you" or "how do you do"? That's too formal and you sound like a stiff. Cool people like rock stars would probably greet with something like "sup guys" or "hey what's going on?" That's something you should emulate.
- It's OK to do something courteous like opening the door for her, carrying her bags or giving your jacket if she's cold. But if you do, try to make some light teasing remark as well ("lemme hold your bag, you wimp") and don't make a big production out of it.
- Do not use big fancy academic words. It's OK to speak with minor profanity.
- Never be indecisive and ask "what do YOU wanna do?" Never cater to her every desire or whim.
- If you're on a first date or outing, do not show up with a gift.
- Speaking of gifts, unless you and her start seriously dating, don't give any gifts at all unless it's Christmas, her birthday or a special occasion (like her graduation). And if you must give something, it must be simple -- as if you didn't spend more than five minutes thinking of it. Giving elaborate or repeated gifts is a sign you're not good enough and that you must bribe people for affection.
- On a first date or outing, do not overdress. You should look pleasant but not as if you spent more than twenty minutes preparing.
- Do not allow her to unfairly get her way. For example, if you guys agreed to eat at a certain location but she calls last minute wanting to go elsewhere, do not concede. You might think you're being gentlemanly. But if she knows she can step all over you, she will see you as lacking backbone.
- Despite our "no gentlemanly conduct" advice, you need to pay when on a date or outing. Just make sure it's done as if it's no big deal and change the subject quickly after agreeing to pay the tab.
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