In today's recital, I want to talk about myself and to expand on the recent chapter on why girls choose to talk to someone. I learned a very lesson on sociability about three years ago during my sister's wedding.
Before that event, most people would probably say I'm a bright and nice guy, but shy and lacking in confidence. From when I was young until the end of high school, I didn't listen to "normal" music. I played the piano and all I listened to was Mozart and Haydn. Can you imagine? Some kid who spent most of his allowance on classical music CDs.
You'd imagine people at a party would appreciate someone different like me. Nope, nobody cared. I sat in the corner introverted while the party centered around loud, brash and outgoing people, even if they were dumb and uncultured. All that talk about how good it is to be "special" is just bullshit. If you're different, be prepared to pay the price.
I noticed one thing throughout my life. If you're pathetically alone in the corner, nobody comes to save you. You'd imagine someone would be nice enough to say "hey, let's talk to that lonely quiet guy". That almost never happens. If you want something, you have to earn it, not expect others to give it out of charity.
Three years ago, my sister got hitched in San Francisco. I decided to break out of my shell. I guess I was getting older and had grown more confident as time wore on. At the wedding, I acted very differently from before. It was time to let loose.
I learned some very important lessons during those days in San Francisco.
First, you MUST MUST MUST initiate with people. There is no fucking way around it. At the wedding, I went up to strangers. I've never done that before. I don't know why not, because strangers almost always respond positively when approached. Never believe when someone tells you it's OK to be shy and passive. If you're a guy, being shy and passive is like being a corpse. Many girls (particularly shy girls) may say she wants a shy guy, but that's a load of crap. They're really secretly lusting after the outgoing football players or musicians.
Second, to gain sociability, you have to be laidback and speak openly. At the wedding, I would say whatever crap that came to mind. I didn't care if I used some profanity or said moderately vulgar stuff. I didn't care if people thought I was smart and sophisticated. I've learned that trying to craft an image of intelligence and highness reeks of insecurity. Once others perceive you as having confidence issues, they stay the hell away from you. Non-confident people are creepy people.
Lastly, you have to talk about things others enjoy talking about. Nobody wants to talk about Mozart and Haydn. They want to talk about Lady Gaga, Lindsey Lohan and other stupid junk. They want to gossip about celebrities, rock music, who's hot and who's dating who. It all seems so stupid. But you either go with the flow or you stay silent on the corner.
Let me tell you. These three things made a huge difference in how others interacted with me during the wedding. I became one of the centers of the party, not shyly on the edge where I had spent virtually all my life. It was one of the turning points of my life. The wedding had lots of white folks since my sister's husband (who's Vietnamese) is a bit of a banana. At the wedding, this older white chick kept hitting on me. And other white chick, much younger, found me on Facebook and initiated contact a year later. Stuff like that didn't happen to me back in high school.
So there, I just taught you how to be sociable:
- Initiate
- Speak openly as if you don't give a fuck
- Talk about things people want to talk about
I still enjoy classical music. I enjoy “intellectual” crap like politics and studying history. But I keep it to myself. Outwardly, I’m just a normal Joe who enjoys having fun and not being hung up on anything.
