Contemplating worth elsewhere

(Article #3 - An ongoing discussion on the downsides of the PUA community)

In my short time with Project Mayhem, I've discovered two types of guys. 

The first types are approach robots who can crank out approach after approach.  Although they get approach anxiety, they don't feel some grand philosophical opposition to what they're doing. 

The second types are contemplative types.  They think too much and represent people like me and a majority of guys.  These types are analytical and cynical.  They feel slimy or uneasy about what they're doing.  As such, he feels an unshakable discomfort during an approach that the girl detects, causing her to respond less favorably.

The phrase "approach robot" is not meant to be derogatory.  I wish I were one.  But no one should expect contemplative types to become an approach robot.  Personalities cannot be transplanted like human organs. 

Rather, for contemplative types to learn the game productively, he must never elevate sarging as a major activity.  Mystery invited his readers to go in-field four nights a week to practice his method.  Even if such a level of commitment is realistic, it is a grave mistake.  If guys derive his sense of worth and purpose on how women react to them, you will guarantee many people a life of misery. 

Instead, guys need to engage in activities that give him fulfillment and meaning.  Once he feels he’s a person of value, he will develop a natural “fuck it” mentality that works wonders in the cold approach.  Examples of value-building activities include going to church, returning to graduate school, engaging in charity work, planning some exotic vacation, etc.  I know this sounds like idealistic hokey-pokey crap.  But I’ve noticed people who are very successful with women are always involved in broad or grandiose activities like those.  They're not wasting time on video games or Facebook.

Furthermore, contemplative types need to stop worrying about “closing”.  Many PUA instructors ask students not to care about the results of an approach.  But, in the next breathe, he would emphasize the need to get a phone number, to kiss close, or whatever.  This is hypocritical and pressuring. 

I believe PUA students should purposely NOT close for the first few weeks of training.  He should just open a set, engage in minor chitchat and eject. 

Now that you know how I feel contemplative guys should learn pickup, in the next article, I will talk shit about professional PUAs. 

Damn lucky to be a guy

I'd like to interrupt my discussion on the downsides of the PUA community for a special announcement.

This weekend, I realized just how lucky I am to be a guy. 

Thanks to Facebook, I reconnected with a high school friend whom I haven't seen or heard from in almost a decade.  It's been about that long since I graduated from high school. 

She was in-town with her husband for some business convention.  While he attended the convention, she asked if I can grab desert with her and her children to burn off a few hours.  It seems, after college, she married and popped out three kids in rapid succession.  Such reproductive speed is pretty rare for Asian people. 

While we spent two hours together, I realized how a woman's life is pretty much over once they get married and have kids.  It was embarrassing seeing her trying to get three young kids to behave and not crawl under the table or make a mess.  Although she was pleasant and friendly to me, she was clearly a mature women.  There was nothing fun, energetic or youthful about her demeanor.  I found myself watching the clock, looking forward to leaving.

It's ironic that women are so eager to find "the one" and settle down when that occasion marks the end of their life.  Seriously.  They have nothing adventurous or new to look forward to. 

For us guys, we can still act stupid and have a retarded sense of humor, even if married with kids.  In fact, the only difference it seems between men and boys is the price of their toys.  Guys can, if they want, still screw around with girls.  There are guys in their 40s and even 50s attending PUA bootcamps.  Can you imagine women of that age still trying to meet cool people at clubs and bars?  That only happens in trashy romance novels, soap operas and Sex and the City. 

A few of my friends who are married still talk about banging other chicks -- and a few have either succumbed to that temptation or made an attempt.  My brother, who’s happily married, takes 5-6 trips to Asia alone on business.  I would not be surprised if he’s doing some extracurricular stuff there with hotties. 

As guys, we don't have to "grow up" and become boring.  We still can look forward to new adventures and encounters with new people.  And that is why I'm glad to born with a penis.  The next time you get rejected by a girl, have consolation knowing that in a decade, her life will likely be more depressing than yours. 

Overcoming a bad hand

(Article #2 - An ongoing discussion on the downsides of the PUA community)

PUAing has made my life more miserable and was one of many reasons why my recent trip to Asia sucked.  I know it’s odd hearing me say this after aggressively promoting Mystery Method and Project Mayhem.  I still believe in the method and the project.  I just have a problem with how the method is applied. 

The reason my life was more miserable was, I made the folly of allowing pickup to become a dominant issue in my life.  Nothing kills confidence and renders you more powerless than having your happiness and sense of accomplishment determined by how strangers react to you. 

I don't think I'm alone in saying that the PUA lifestyle is pretty depressing once you pass the initial hype.  On Stylelife forums (Neil Strauss' official forum), you'll find most PUA students are generally unhappy.  Most wind up quitting and, those who enjoy success, often return to their old selves.  This approaching stuff is not natural to most.  Even master PUAs often force themselves to approach (i.e., the Three Second Rule).  I believe people are unhappiest when they have to force themselves to maintain a certain lifestyle.

Mystery is the ultimate example of this "PUA depression".  Despite being the undisputed king of pickup, the guy is a fucking psychotic mess.  In Neil Strauss' book, Mystery was depicted as someone who can't get a girlfriend, who trashed his house in depression, who acted in strange belligerent ways, and who attempted suicide twice.  That's not exactly the glitzy life of a PUA many would want you to believe. 

The truth is, guys are most successful in courtship when genuinely happy-go-lucky and feeling a true sense of worth.  This creates a burning personal glow that naturally attracts girls and creates social opportunities.  When people “go sarging”, they normally lack such a natural glow.  So PUAs invent an artificial one through “inner game” tactics like positive self-talk, visualization methods, subliminal audio or loud upbeat music.  Most of these tactics are just phony-baloney crap. 

Most people turn to PUAing because, as someone in Project Mayhem put it, they feel they've been "dealt a bad hand".  This belief, whether the problem is real or imagined, is the inner demon that holds us back.  Unless the PUA overcomes these demons, all this pickup stuff is just a depressing short-term band-aid that doesn’t fix the long-term problem. 

In the next article, I will offer a suggestion on battling those demons with something more substantive than just campy PUA "inner game" tactics.